Fred 70

Issue 70

Magazine

CA                        Summer Fun

Hooray!  The sun is shining, the birds are singing (the flying
variety, that is), people are outside playing and there's a
feeling of greatness in the air.  Summer is here!  And what
better way to celebrate than to sit inside with the curtains
drawn (so no light gets on the telly) and do FRED?

Still, never mind, pecker up.  Welcome to issue 70 of FRED.  Not
to be one to break a promise, I've made sure this issue of FRED
is particularly late!  Issue 71 should be a bit closer to the
deadline than this one, and then by issue 72 we might have an
issue on time.  What a celebration that shall be.

Which reminds me, FRED 72 will be the birthday issue.  FRED will
be 6 years old.  Blimey, that's old.  I don't think that even my
mental age is that old.  But anyway, FRED will be SIX and as
lots of you programmers will have nothing better to do than sit
inside and program this Summer, I expect something good from
everyone.  Be it a good letter, a good game, a good utility or
whatever, I expect something good from you all.  And that means
CA                       * Editorial *

no dodgy excuses about not having computers with you because you
can't afford a TV license (you know who you are) and no silly
"I've got to revise for exams" nonsense, and especially not any
"My stuff is rubbish" rubbish.  Rubbish!  Where's your
confidence, your self-esteem, your get up and go?  Some people
are so confident they tell me off for not putting their things
on immediately.  Everyone can write something.  Even Colin
Macdonald will be writing some things for the editorial (he
doesn't know it yet, but he will!).

Of course, don't write something and wait before you send it in,
or I may be a touch short of contributions for issue 71.

But... this issue is a right bumper ish.  The editorial and
letters are super long, and the issue is super-ace.  If anyone
has cause to complain, then they haven't (see what I mean?).



CA          I Just Never Get A Chance To Slow Down

I've had a really hectic month.  You might recall from previous
issues that I'm a student (tee hee).  I've now finished my
exams, and, well, phew.  A couple of them were dead easy and a
couple really hard, so we'll see what happens.  I think I've
passed which means I'll be sailing into my second year in
October.  No doubt that nice man called Bob Brenchley will book
another computer show on some awkward weekend in October which
makes my life a hassle.

Incidentally, fact fans, Bob doesn't ever read FRED.  He took
great pleasure in telling me that a while ago.  He just gets the
issues and loses them in his messy office.  He'll probably hold
onto them and read them all when he retires (which is probably
not very far away).  He he, I can say what I like because he'll
never read it!

Anyway, where was I?  Oh yeah, exams.  Sitting exams in shorts
and a Lincoln City football top is such a novelty.  I nearly
forgot to sit the exam, I was smiling so much.
CA                    Mmmm, television...

What about this Euro '96 thing, eh?  Isn't it fab?  It'll nearly
all be over when you read this because it finishes on 30th June
(my birthday!), but what a treat it is.  Football almost every
day non-stop.  It's great.  It meant that my revision for
economics didn't go according to plan, but never mind.

Football constantly should be a permanent thing, I reckon.
That'll show those women who complain about too much sport.

But what about England v Scotland, eh?  TWO NIL!  Hahaha!
Before I took over, FRED always had a Scottish bias, but not any
more, matey.  We walked all over the Scots (in the second half
at least).  We even gave them a penalty and saved it to really
rub it in.  Tee hee.  Colin didn't appreciate my e-mail after
the game, I don't think, but who cares?  It's not as if he pays
my wages or anything!

Oops.

CA                  Footy Is Cool And Hard

Continuing in our footy/laddish behaviour, I went to see one of
the games.  Living in a major city as I do, it's just a short
jog down the road to see a big game.  I went to see Portugal
against Turkey and it was amazing.  I bought a Portugal scarf
before the game just so I had a team to support.  Not only did
Portugal win, but I shouted lots, I could see Des Lynam and Alan
Hansen doing their half-time commentary and there were two other
Lincoln City fans there!

Incidentally (again), when Alan Hansen watches the matches, he
sits back and puts his feet up against the window in the
commentary box.  That's why if you look carefully at half time,
you might be able to see footprints on the window!  Amazing
stuff.

Something that might strike someone as mildly humorous is the
near link between the SAM and Euro '96.  No, the TV graphics
aren't done an a SAM, but there's a Potrugese player called
Mnemochec! It's probably not spelt like that, but it's close!
CA               Something A Little Sammy, Now

Inbetween exams and footy matches, we've also polished the SAM
off and now everyone in my block has become a computer addict.
And why?  All because of Chaos, that wonderful amazing game
which was on FRED 63.  Naturally, I'm the best and quite often I
reign terror with gooey blobs and scary vampires.

I also used my SAM to write a job application.  I've included it
in the editorial incase anyone wants to use it:

Dear sir/madam,
         I am writing to enquire whether you will be seeking any
extra employees during the summer vacation this year.

I am currently studying a degree in Mathematics and Economics at
The University of Nottingham (note that I'm at a proper
university and not a dodgy poly or rubbishy school).  I have
just completed my first year and require a summer job to help
finance my beer drinking next year.  Erm, and to buy books, too.
I'm not very hard-working, and as such would like an easy job.
CA                           Letter

None of this lifting stuff lark.  Something like talking to the
odd person and maybe selling something to them.  I can't use
those cheque things, so you'll have to get someone else to do
that.  I'm very reliable and might be enthusiastic for the first
couple of days.

I currently have 10 GCSE's (don't ask about them, it's just
tedious) and last year obtained three A's and a B at A-level in
Double Maths, Economics and Physics respectively.  I didn't even
try and still got those grades, so as you can see, I am clearly
more intelligent than any other people who want a job.  I'm
probably cleverer than you, but don't get a complex about it.

I can start from 6th July, but will require lots of days off and
holidays because I hate getting up early in the morning and
couldn't stick it for more than three days on the trot.  Give
the above number a ring if you want to ask me anything.  Other
than that, I'll turn up on the 6th because I know I'll get the
job (there you go, I've saved the company money already - you
CA                           Letter

don't have to spend 25p on a stamp to tell me I've got the job).

See you in a bit.  Put the kettle on!


                        Yours sincerly,

                        MR ___________



I hope that's of some use to some people.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Please note that this section has well over FORTY pages, making
it bigger than a paper-based magazine, but you also get a whole
disc full of goodies!  Blimey, we're value for money.

CA                   Fantasy FRED League!!

The first months scores are now in for Fantasy FRED league.  A
huge score of 15 points for Diggory Gray has surged those with
him into a clear lead.  Allan Clarkson dominates the top rung,
closely followed by fellow Crashed man, Mark Sturdy (something
dodgy is going on here).  It's a tight middle table - Colin
Anderton has a massive 1 point lead over rival Macdonald.  The
person with the most amusing team name sits at the bottom with
an embarrassing 2 points.  Well done, Chandler.  James Curry
joins him on two points, so unless he gets into action and
writes something, he'll be looking for last place.  Wow, this
thing is so good to get people to write things.

Rather embarrassingly, all but 4 people are being beaten by the
only girl in it who admitted she didn't have a clue about the
SAM.  Come on lads, get it together!  Write some letters in to
further your positions.  Just do anything.  If Sylvia wins this,
I'll be ashamed of you all!

Anyway, let's have a look at the table...
CA                 FANTASY FRED LEAGUE TABLE

   Team Name                               Manager        Score

01 The Crashed Crusaders               Allan Clarkson       025
02 Frank Broughton Appreciation Soc.   Mark Sturdy          021
03 What's In A Name?                   A. Francis           012
04 Scorpion Soft Productions Team (?)  Paul Dudley          009
05 Har Har Har                         Sylvia               009
06 Children Of Satan (ahem)            Stephen McGreal      008
07 Blue Foot United                    Stewart Skardon      007
08 The Kick Butt Crew                  Mark Bennett         007
09 Crap Games Co.                      Dean Nicholas        006
10 Some Dead Good People               Graham Goring        006
11 I'll Cheat If I Start Losing...     Colin Anderton       006
12 I Still Use My Sam, Honest..        Dave Handley         005
13 Scotland                            Colin Macdonald      005
14 Team Mango Chutney                  Matt Vowles          005
15 "Headless"                          Stefan Drissen       004
16 NewZealandStory                     Howard Price         004
17 Real Nice World                     Andrew Collier       003
CA                      TABLE... PART 2

18 Sentai Power Sammers NL             Robert Van Der Veeke 003
19 James Curry's Team Of SAM Wierdos   James Curry          002
20 Death By Electricity                Doug Young           002
21 Happy Slug Productions              Tim Paveley          002
22 Crikey...My Wig Is On Fire!         Andrew Chandler      002



 All the people on this page should be ashamed of themselves!










CA                        Easy PC...3

Erm, nothing to say this month really in my superb technical
amazing column.  If you ever get a program that allows you to do
something on the SAM by using PC modules, then you convert stuff
in pretty much the same way as I have described.

So, in general...

1: Find a PC disc reader on your given computer (clearly if you
    own a PC, you don't have to bother with this step).
2: Format the PC disc.
3: Copy the module/text/screen/sample/anything to the PC disc.
4: Toddle over to your SAM and load KE_Disc.
5: Copy the code from the PC disc to SAM disc using KE_Disc.
6: Load the converter program and then just follow the
    instructions.
7: No need for a step seven, because it really is that simple!

One mistake last month - apparently Stefans new MOD player reads
from PC discs, so no need to bother with KE_Disc.  Hurrah!
CA                   Yep, it's a C article!

Hooray!  After months of moaning at people to write me a C
article or two, John Eyre has written an article about how to
write a game in SAM C.

The mines game in slot K of this issue is the game that John
will be taking you through over the next couple of issues.

It's a really fantastic article, so the greatest of thanks to
John from us here at FRED and, I'm sure, the bulk of C owners
out there.

As this is from a PC disc, I've had to move text around to get
it into 64 column mode.  As far as I can tell it's all in the
right place, but it is possible a couple of bits may be in the
wrong place.  If there's a problem, please write in.

But apart from that, take it away John...


JE                 C Programming by John Eyre


A step by step guide to writing a C program using SAM C.

To really understand how to program in C, you'll need a good
tutorial or reference book. They are usually pretty thick, cost
an arm and a leg and are unlikely to make good bedtime reading.
Fortunately it's possible to produce quite useful software
knowing only the basics of the C programming language.

This article is not intended as a tutorial on the C Language or
on how to program, it is a step by step guide to the development
of an example game using SAM C. I haven't had a chance to use
SAM Vision yet so I'll only be looking at the standard SAM C. I
won't start from absolute scratch but will assume that you
already know a little about C, from reading the SAM C manual,
and are familiar with programming using something like SAM
BASIC.

Before starting on the game, just a few points on some common
JE                             C

problems experienced with C that are worth a mention.

C somehow manages to combine most of the advantages of a high
level language with the flexibility and direct access of machine
code. At first C may appear very confusing but you can get a
long way knowing just a few simple rules. Most of the control
structures and there are not many, follow the form:

 Keyword (condition(s))
  {
   executable statement;
       .          .
       .          .
   executable statement;
  }

The curly braces {} are used to identify the start and end of
the block of statements to which some action applies. If there
is only one executable statement then all that's needed is:
JE                             C

 Keyword (condition(s))
  executable statement;

The ; is used to separate executable statements but not the
Keyword from it's associated statement(s).

I mention this because the most common error when first learning
C is forgetting to put ; at the end of a line or using it when
it's not required. Another common mistake is not matching up
opening and closing curley braces. A single omission can cause a
large number of error reports from the compiler and since it
inserts error messages in the source code which then have to be
individually deleted it is worth the effort to check before
compiling.

One way of making it easier to check the source code text and
identify problems is by using a clear layout with a consistent
identing policy. The system I've adopted and will use throughout
this article is a single character space indent, with opening
JE                             C

and closing curly braces on a separate line and each statement
given its own line. It looks long winded but it pays dividends
in the end.

Finally beware of = meaning assigns and == which means equals.

When starting a new program, I always use a new disk, copy the
compiler, assembler and library files across and then use it to
save all the various versions of the program as it is developed.
Through bitter experience I have learned to save regularily, SAM
C still has some bugs and it is easy with C to unintentionally
write code that locks up so that the computer has to be reset.
It is also wise to keep a back up of the source code file on
another disk.

If you have Masterdos, it is well worth creating a Ramdisk and
copying the library and runtime files needed to it. The time
saved by loading files from the Ramdisk can be considerable and
it saves a lot of frustration when fine tuning some part of the
JE                             C

program and needing to do frequent re-compiles. But remember to
save source code text to floppy disk.

The game we are going to write is a simple version of the
Minefield game. I'm sure everyone knows the game but just in
case you don't, here's a very quick explanation. The idea is to
clear a minefield marking the positions of all the mines,
without hitting a mine. As each position is cleared a clue is
provided by showing the number of mines present in the
surrounding eight positions.

The game will be built up in stages so that at each stage it can
be compiled and tested. It is always wise to develop software in
this way. Trying to sort out faults in large amounts of untested
code is a nightmare. Before we start we need to do a bit of
planning and work up a basic strategy.

                         Game Strategy

JE                             C

We will represent the minefield by a 2 dimensional array (map
[rows][cols]), so that each position can be accessed by its row
and column numbers. We will need a cursor which will be moved
around using the cursor keys.

We will need to know the following information about each
location of the minefield. Is there a mine, has it been marked
as a mine, how many mines surround it, has it already been
checked. That's quite a lot of information to hold in a single
cell of an array. We could use more than one array, we could
even make them into a structure. But that would over complicate
things so this is how we will do it. The number of surrounding
mines can be between 0 and 8, we will use 15 to indicate a mine.
When the location is checked we will add 16. If the location is
marked as a mine we will add 32. (Note checked and marked are
mutually exclusive states). Now we can quickly find any
information by diving by 16, using integer arithmetic this will
give:

JE                             C

                      0 = not checked
                      1 = already checked
                      2 = marked as a mine

The remainder after diving by 16 i.e. value % 16 (Modulo 16)
gives 0 to 15, indicating a mine if 15 or the number of
surrounding mines if 0 to 8. We could have used 9 for a mine and
then add 10 and 20 but using 16 has a good binary feel to it and
leaves some spare numbers which might be needed as the game
develops. It's always a good idea to keep some options open.

If the number of surrounding mines is calculated for every
location at the start of the game, there will be a long delay
before each game begins. So the number will be found when a
location is checked and entered in the array for subsequent use.

Below is a very high level structure for the game written in a
form of psuedocode. Psuedocode uses Do, While, If etc. the same
sort of control structures (constructs) used by programming
JE                             C

languages but psuedocode avoids formal syntax. It helps the
transition from a plain English description to program code.

Initialise (i.e. things that only need to be setup once)
 Do
  Setup for start of game
  while not finished Play game
 show result loop while quit not requested

All rather simple and doesn't help much with the actual gameplay
but it does help to keep a good structure. The chances are if
you dive straight into programming you'll end up with a very
jumbled and badly organised program.

Now we need to put a bit of thought into how the game will work.
Something like the following will do to get us started.

Do
 Wait for request
JE                             C

 if Quit - exit game
 if cursor keys - move cursor
 if check - if not already checked:
 if mine - flag as finished calculate number of surrounding
            mines
 set status to checked
 if mark mine - toggle mine marker
 if all cleared and mines marked - finished
loop while not finished


Right that's enough planning for the moment, now it's time to
load up SAM C, select EDIT and start to do some coding. A C
program normally consists of the following parts:


preprocessor instructions
main()
function Definitions
JE                             C

Preprocessor Instructions

I'm sure you already know that we should start our C program
with #include "stdio .h". We will also need to use some library
functions such as paper, pen, border, cls etc. so we must
declare the libraries to be included, (by specifying the header
file e.g. graphics.h) and the functions to be used from each
library. The equivalent source code library files (e.g.
graphics.c) should be included at the end of the source code
listing. With a bit of hindsight I can add a few more functions
and say that the start of our source code will look like this.

#include "stdio   .h"
#include "graphics.h"

extern void box (int x, int y, int w, int h);
extern void cls (int a);
extern void mode (int a);
extern void pen (int i);
JE                             C

extern void paper (int p);
extern void border (int b);

#include "conio   .h"

extern void window (int a, int b, int c, int d);

#include "stdlib  .h"

extern int abs (int x);
extern int rand ();
extern void beep (int d, int p);

:              Rest of source code inserted here               :

#include "graphics.c"
#include "conio   .c"
#include "stdlib  .c"

JE                             C

// end of file

The format for the external function prototype is:

extern
type
function_name ( parameter list );

The extern tells the compiler that the function is from an
external library file. The type indicates the type of the data
returned by the function e.g. it can be int or char etc. If the
type is void then no useful data is returned. The parameter list
shows the parameters passed to the function. For the prototype
the parameter type is important not the parameter name.

After the external functions we should declare the prototypes of
any functions we write for the program. The format will be the
same as for the external library functions except extern is not
required. As each new function is written a prototype should be
JE                             C

included at this part of the listing. I usually keep the the
function prototype declarations in the same order as the
function definitions in the source code text, so that they act
as a rough index. Symbolic constants use a name to represent a
value in much the same way as a variable. The difference being
that a constant remains the same while the program is running
where as a variable can be changed. By convention upper case is
used for constants and lower case for variables. The advantage
of using constants is that as the constant name is used
throughout the code rather than a value, only the constant
definition needs to be changed and the compiler will insert the
new value at every occurance in the code at compile time. This
saves searching through text trying to find where changes are
needed with the risk of missing one or incorrectly altering
another value.

So that the background colour for the game window can be changed
to suit personal preference, but only before the code is
compiled, we will use a symbolic constant as follows:
JE                             C

#define BACKGROUND 5   // background colour for game window

To keep things simple we will declare variables needing to be
accessed by a number of functions as external variables. In C,
variables declared within a function can only be directly
accessed by that function. Making variables available to all
functions is not a problem for the small program we are writing,
but it is not a recommended practice for large complex software.
So we will have a quick look at the use of pointers which can
help to overcome this problem.

Another potential limitation is that a C function can only
return one value. If our program needed to update more than one
variable it would have to call separate functions to get the
values. Using pointers allows variables outside the function to
be changed. The concept of pointers is one of the reasons why C
is such a flexible and powerful language.

External variables are declared outside of any of the functions
JE                             C

including main() i.e. they are global. Most of the external
variables we will need can be deduced from the high level
description we worked up. The variable type e.g. integer (int),
character (char) must be indicated. Variables of the same type
can be grouped on a line, separated by a comma. Each line should
be separated using a semi-colon. While not essential, it is
often useful to provide brief descriptions as comments.












JE                             C

// Declaration of external variables

int rows;     // Number of rows in minefield/array
int cols;     // Number of columns in minefield/array
int mines;    // number of mines marked
int cleared;  // number of cells cleared
int bang;     // flag set to 1 if you try to clear a mine
int total;    // total number of mines in the minefield
int xx, yy;   // horz & vert co-ords of cursor position
int finished;   // flag set to 1 when game over
int map [14][30];   // 2 dimensional array representing
                    // the minefield. The array size must
                    // be defined and cannot be variable so
                    // the largest size needed is declared.

Just to demonstrate the use of comments the list could equally
be written as below. Although some effort is made to use
descriptive variable names, it is not overly helpful.

JE                             C

int rows, cols, map [14][30], xx, yy;
int total, mines, cleared, bang, finished;

As we are using rows and cols as variables which define the size
of the minefield and hence the array, it would be ideal if the
array could be declared as map [rows][cols]. However one of the
main reasons for declaring variables is to reserve space, so the
actual size of the array must be defined at the time it is
declared. We will define the largest array size we need and when
a smaller minefield size is selected, only part of the array
will be used. If we had been content to fix the minefield size
at the time the code is compiled we could have used symbolic
constants. By using variables we will be able to use different
minefields selected within the game itself.

Now all the formalities have been completed and we can begin to
write the functions that will make up the game.


CA/CM                         News

The first news this month is that SAMSprite, FRED's wonderful
Sprite designer written by Wayne Coles has received a cracking
review in Format.  It's expected to be an essential buy for
anyone intending to do any programming.  As a special offer,
until the 12th July, we can offer SAMSprite at the bargain price
of just 7 pounds!

Wayne's next release, currently named Kaboom, is a Dynablaster /
Super BomberMan type game for maybe up to 5 players.  He's got a
working version, and is currently getting the game running at a
decent speed.  It looks great, and could well be the release of
the year.  Hopefully, if Wayne can work himself silly, it'll
be out in time for the October Gloucester Show.

Graham Burtenshaw is still working hard on his new game,
Momentum.  He's just about finished University for the year, so
we can expect work to rush ahead over the next month or two.
It's a massive Spindizzy type game, with graphics and maps by
Graham Goring.
CA/CM                         News

A few weeks ago the second Scottish computer show went ahead.
Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be the best timed event in the
world and was slightly lacking in people. Due to lack of support
it looks unlikely there will be another Edinburgh Show. Thanks
to the people that did make the effort though.

Allan Clarkson of Crashed is currently trying to organise a Show
in Leeds for early Autumn which may serve those in the North
better.  It's planned for mid-September, and although I might be
in Butlin's then, I'll try and plan around it.  There'll be
dozens of SAM and Speccy companies there (Allan reckons more
than at the Gloucester shows!).  It's going to be £1.00 to get
in (that's not definite yet), and should be a good day to spend
lots of money!  More news next month...

Some exciting news now - Revelation have got their biggest
release game yet lined up for imminent release.  It's a
conversion of one of the most popular Spectrum games ever, and
should be officially announced in the next couple of weeks.
CA/CM                         News

We're not allowed to say what it is yet, but expect a mid-Summer
launch.

Sad news about Rob and John's decision not to continue with
Sam2Sam.  Production has been passed to MDL Software and Saturn
Software, so the magazine should continue, here's hoping they
can put even half the work and enthusiasm Rob and John did into
it.

So, all in all, a pretty exciting news section for once.  What
on earth will next month bring (I just can't wait!).








CA                       Disc Contents

In slot D this month, we have Rob 'I'm easily going to score the
most points in FFL' Pain.  It's a cracking three part demo
called D.A.F.T and the second part looks particularly clever.
Cheers, Robby.

Following that in E is an X-Sighting game from Doug Young.  It's
a 20 level game of Space Invaders ilk.  Shoot the evil, erm,
squares and things, avoid the bullets and complete the game.
Many thanks, Doug.

Next we have a small demo called Samples from Mark Steele.  It's
a combination of lots of samples put together.  It's not of
amazing sound quality, but you can tell what's being played, so
is most definitely a treat for all!

Wabbitz is, well, pretty horrible.  The aim of the "game" is to
decide which poor defenceless rabbits deserve to die.  Use
cursors and SPACE to shoot, and RETURN to see what's happened
and to start a new game.  It's maybe more of a graphical demo
CA                       Disc Itinerary

than a game, but I'm sure it will appeal to the sicker of the
FRED readers!

This months interview is with SCUM editor, Kevin Smythe.

E-tunes are probably from Jack Bailey and Roger Hartley, but
don't put too much money on it.

C Mines is the mines game written in SAM C that accompanies the
article that is written by John Eyre.  You MUST all know how to
play the game, so no explanation needed.  Thanks, John.

Bits n Bobs has a couple of games in, including SIM BRICK - the
ultimate Brick simulator, and something else which I've lost,
but will find.  Sorry to the programmer!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Next month, I can reveal we have an amazing game called Stacks,
or Stax or something similar.  I thought I'd hold it back just
to make you all drool for another month...
CA                      Thankyou all...

HIM UPSTAIRS : COLIN MACDONALD
BERK         : COLIN ANDERTON

      And all the things from beneath the Trap Door are...

    Rob Pain      __  Jack Bailey      __  Stephen McGreal
    Doug Young    __  John Eyre        __  Andrew Chandler
    Mark Steele   __  Roger Hartley    __  Frank Harrop
    Mungus Soft   __  Stewart Skardon  __  T.K. Cooper
    Kevin Smythe  __  John Saunders    __  Matt Vowles

FRED 71 will be out within 3 weeks.  I promise.  From...

                        FRED PUBLISHING,
                          [redacted]
                                                 Things follow->
SS               Show Report By Stewart Skardon

Once again, the Gloucester show was a great day out. If you
didn't make it, you don't know what you've missed.

Never mind, I'm about to change that by telling you everything.
For a start, you missed the chance to see the first
demonstrations of the new SAM Digitiser. And just to prove how
good it is, the picture of me that is in with the Gloucester
Screens was actually digitised at the show using the new
digitiser. How about that for quality.

And as if missing that wasn't bad enough, you missed out on the
chance of seeing all those key people in the SAM world.

You will also have missed seeing the long awaited Quazar sampler
module, which enables those of you who own a Quazar card to make
your own samples. I saw a demonstration of the sampler card, and
I can tell you that it is very impressive stuff.

Then of course on top of that, you also missed out on getting
SS                        Show Report

your grubby little mit's on a copy of the original classic games
like Klax, and Sphera, and that irritating but cute one
featuring the lickle cutesy wootsey wobot SAM. (Ahhh!) Yes being
the naturally lovely people that they are, both FRED and FORMAT
were offering all of the original Enigma Variations games at a
reduced price of around £8. What nice people.

And then of course, there was the chance to get your hands on
all kinds of goodies for your SAM, like a printer interface, or
a Two-up.

There, are you regretting not going now? Oh, and by the way, if
you did go, at least this report will jog your memory in to
remembering how bad you felt when you didn't take enough dosh to
buy lots of stuff for SAM, and for depriving your SAM of all of
the things that you didn't buy. (And that will teach you to take
more cash next time!)

Now then, let me think. What embarrassing / funny / silly /
SS                        Show Report

interesting and desperately sad things happened then? Well for
starters, Simon Cooke won himself ANOTHER SAM 512k. Good job, as
Bob from FORMAT pointed out. Perhaps he will actually finish
something now! Perhaps he could even write a new document viewer
for FRED. [I second that! - CA]

And then of course, there was the shock that Colin A wasn't
approached this time by any old men telling him that he writes a
load of rubbish, and that he isn't serious enough. What was he
talking about anyway? Colin, silly? Never!

Even worse was the fact that a number of key SAM people failed
to turn up in their appropriate uniforms. Stefan Drissen failed
to wear any SAMDAC's around his neck, and Colin M DIDN'T wear a
kilt, although that could have been a blessing in itself!

Bob and Jenny from FORMAT wore their usual friendly smiles, and
Colin A wore his usual cheesy grin.

SS                        Show Report

However, all Key SAM people should watch out, as at the next
show, a spot check will be made to ensure that everyone is
wearing the appropriate clothing. Any one who fails to do so
will be punished accordingly.

By the way, if you live in the South, anywhere near London, take
my advice, and get the coach. It's a damn sight cheaper, at
£8.50 for a day return. It cost me the grand total of £13.35 to
get to show, forget about the £100 odd that I spent at the show.
What a cheap day out! If that hasn't made those of you who
didn't go want to repent for your sins, who knows what will.








                  MUSIC REVIEWS BY "R.I.P 96"

----------------------------------------------------------------
                 BLUR - A KNEES UP AT MILE END
----------------------------------------------------------------

Here I am back on the scene and having just bought a   new cd ,
I thought why not right a cool review,   then   send  it    into
that rather popular Sam Coupe disk based fanzine FRIED,  oops  I
of course mean FRED.

Well onto Blur...

This album contains 17 classic Blur  songs  and  a  rather  fine
little intro thing, oh and by the it's a live album.

As mentioned earlier the album starts off with  a  nice  trumpet
and saxaphone intro along with a few  guitars  and  then  Damian
introduces himself to the rather noisy crowd.

The first songs is Tracy Jacks and is a very good rendition  the

original, although Damian is still really  warming  up  and  his
singing isn't exactly that great.

Next track is  Sunday,  Sunday,  and  is  quite  good,  this  is
followed by Chemical world which has  always  been  a  favourite
Blur song of mine.

The next song is End of a century, and is one of the best tracks
off of the album, this is followed by She's so high, which  goes
on for just a tad too long, but it's all right.

Up next is one of the two fast tracks on the album, titled Globe
alone, though it is played too fast live and Damian has a bit of
trouble singing fast and in  tune,  so  the  lyrics  are  a  bit
muffled.

Next up is a BRILLIANT Blur song and is  there  massive  (  11th
most popular single of 1995) number one  single  Country  house.
This song is just so darn good and it is played so  unbelievably
perfect, definetly one highlight of the album.

The 9th track is Jubilee and is played as good as  the  original
album version, after this Damian talks to the crowd  for  a  few
minutes.

Track 10 is Bad head and isn't  that  good,  the  singing  isn't
great and the instruments are very good either.

The next two tracks are brilliant and are called Girls and boys,
and Stereotypes, both top ten hits and both played perfect here.

The 13th track is sung by Alex instead of Damian and is called
Far out, short song and a bit wierd. This is  followed  straight
away by Bank holiday, fast song and not played very well.

Next is the longest song off of the album and it is  called  For
tommorrow, it is a good song and has an amazing ending.

The next two songs are sung with Phil  Daniels,  the  actor  who
co-sung Parklife, so the songs that come next are Parklife and
Daisy, Daisy, and are both brilliant.

The album finishes with This is a low, an average song.

The album overall is better than every Blur release except for
The great escape, which it is on par with.

                           RATING 91%

Letters & Reviews

                   Letter From John Saunders

Dear Colin,
         First, no apologies needed - I knew I was grousing, and
thanks for the replacement of the faulty disk.  And I was
justified in not finding the colour change menu, the first
letter page is, as far as I am concerned, illegible.  Nothing to
do with observation - impatience perhaps.  Now that you have
told me what's where, I can read the rest.  Thanks.

I see Ted Edwards rallied to my supprt in not thinking a lot to
your reply in Issue 67, bless him, but I will forbear further
criticism, (now isn't that big of me?), and only say that I had
no intention of re-starting generation warfare.  But don't
forget, we oldies have very little to lose, though something to
learn, I guess, - and from whom?

Well, you see, I'm still reading - and hope to do so for the
duration of the enclosed.  But prendez garde - I might write
again!                Yours in tolerance,
                         John Saunders
CA                  Reply To John Saunders

Well, miracles clearly do happen.  I didn't think in a million
years that you'd resubscribe to FRED, especially after my reply
the other month.  Goes to show what I know, I guess.

Glad to hear that you can now enjoy FRED in glorious colour.  I
never use the default white on black because it comes across
really badly on my TV.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy FRED over the next year, and maybe
one day I'll say something that'll make you chuckle...









                  Letter From Stephen McGreal

Um, hello.

You've said in your Editorial that you want someone to write
articles on lotsa things.  I could do some stuff about
Gamesmaster, if you want.  I'm not as good as, say, James Curry,
but I've been using it for a couple of years, so I at least know
most of the program inside out.  Aaa-nyway.  If you want me to
write some stuff, it would be good if you could be a tad more
specific - I don't really know what to actually write about
Gamesmaster.  I could do a little "How to make your own game"
sort of thing, but GM is so east to use, no-one will need it.

Also, if you want, I could do articles/reviews on Quazar stuff,
seeing as I have one myself.  I might try to write some more
games for you at some points, though I'm a bit busy trying to
finish IMPosters.

Keep up the good work with FRED (as if you wouldn't), some of
the stuff on there is excellent - I love Laser Squad on FRED68
                  Letter From Stephen McGreal

(even though it wasn't actually done specifically for FRED), and
FRED seems to have shown me what this strange, and seemingly
un-fun thing called a "Utility" is.  Except some of them are
quite fun, aren't they?  Thought, I think how useful they are is
a better way to judge them.  I'll stop waffling now, and leave
to continue panicking about your next deadline (Haha!) [Panic?
Me? Nah! - CA]

Well, so long, snad thanks for all the fish.

Shine on,

Stephen McGreal

P.S. A**e!  Are you allowed to print that?  It's a bit of a
shame about the swearing, some of it could be fun (although it's
not big or clever and could have your eye out).  But then, you
have to respect the easily offended.  Not that you do, most of
the issues I've seen are littered with more minor swear-words
                  Letter From Stephen McGreal

than you could shake a reasonably sized stick at.  What about
"Feck" off Father Ted?

P.P.S. Ever heard of a rock group called Ozric Tentacles?
They're very wierd, but quite good.  Buy some or I'll, I'll..
um... cry.  I'll be off to my padded cell now, to take some
medication.  Be seeing you...












CA                  Reply To Stephen McGreal

A Gamesmaster article would be wonderful, Stephen.  The best way
to usually do things is to write something like "How to Write a
Reasonably Easy Yet With A Few Clever Bits Game" article.  Then
is people want you to re-explain or expand on something, they
can write in.  And that way, you have to write another game for
FRED as the example!  Hooray!

A Quazar article would also be gratefully received.  Due to
Colin M and I not owning a Quazar, we haven't been able to say
much about it.  If there's anything you want to write about it -
a review is probably a good idea - then just let your writing
creative juices flow...

One thing though - if possible, put articles on disc in 64
column format.  Doing them on Pro-type from issue 60 is fine.
If I get an article that's ten pages of A4 long, I tend to curl
up into a ball and start crying.

If you could do some, I'd be forever grateful....
CA                  Reply To Stephen McGreal

Swearing, I'm afraid, IS big and hard.  However, I'm a weedy
little runt who has trouble duffing up teddy bears, so I simply
can't do it.  I can most certainly use the word "feck" because
as we all know, feck means reliable.  I am feck.  I do not
understand why you don't think I may be able to say that...

I have indeed heard of the Ozrics.  I've got a friend in Evesham
who is a big Ozrics fan and a superb guitarist and so he plays
lots of their stuff.  Infact, I went to see him the other day
and he was playing a gig in a pub.  He played an Ozrics song
there, followed by Message In A Bottle by The Police - another
amazing group, even if they have split.

Did you know that the Ozrics all live in a windmill together?
Interesting stuff, huh?

So there you go - you don't have to cry.  I'm glad I could be of
help.

                     Letter From Doug Young

Dear Colin,
           Well what can I say about the  last  issue  of  Fred,
well it I got it 4 weeks after 67, not 3. Is it just me  or  are
you seriously running low on items, as there wasn't a S.C.A.D.S
or Gamesmaster game, not drastically worrying but  quite  scary,
cor this is the first time I have ever moaned to Fred, I think.

Well what am I writing about anyway?...s*d knows.

Oh yes I have included on my disk, my first ever scads game, why
have I included on the disk?...so you can include it on issue 70
of Fred, as I think it is good enough to be  used  and  I  think
that you will think that it is good enough, and the readers will
think that it is good enough.  [I think I follow.... - CA]

Now it is time for plug of the month, this is really relevant to
anyone who liked playing X-SIGHTS, that  is  of  course  if  you
included it, and the really exciting news is that the sequel has
been launched, and this is so much bigger and better.
                     Letter From Doug Young

A run down of it would go like this:

     X-SIGHTS 2: THE TOYS GET THERE OWN BACK ON LITTLE JACK
                          PRICE £6.00
              COLOUR INLAYS AND CASED BOX, 1 DISK

The actual game has 220 levels in total, yep 220 levels of space
invaders shoot em up action. 30 waves  of  aliens,  all  of  the
graphics are pretty darn brilliant, 30 bosses,  which  move  and
fire pretty fast, so they are just that little bit  harder  than
the ones in the original.

The sequel has faster moving sprites, animation sequences (which
the first would have had,but I though I had better cut  it  down
as it was taking up over 200k), a lot more bullets and they  are
also fired faster, different  sizes  of  bullets  and  different
attack formations, it is also very hard to complete.

Anyone that is interested should contact  me  at  the  following
            Letter From Doug Young... oops, R.I.P 96

address: Saturn Software [redacted] (cheques to Darren Wileman).

Oh are Zodiac still going, as I have sent about 3 orders to them
and I haven't got any reply back yet ?

By the way the moaning about the last issue of fred wasn't  that
serious it is still the best s.c.d.b mag around.

c ya (and that isn't a sam c joke, well it is now isn't it).

                            R.I.P 96

P.S Here is a proper joke that you can cut...

..'It's a business doing pleasure with you' said  the  whore  as
she accepted her payment.

Oh by the way my new name from now on is R.I.P 96 not D Young.
CA                      Reply To RIP 96

Bif of a dodgy name that, Doug.  RIP 96.  You're just asking to
die before next year giving yourself a name like that.  I'd
change it to RIP 2500 if I were you.

Lacking contributions?  Noooo (shake, splutter, panic, high
blood pressure).  Well, yes actually.  The run up to Summer is
always a dry period, but I'm pleased to see they've begun to
pick up again.  Although not enough everyone!

Stop fecking plugging your own stuff!  (blimey, I'm in trouble
now)

I can't understand why Zodiac hasn't got back to you.  Maybe
that Ledbury chap has taken over!  No, just joking.  Give
Michael a ring and be really angry and he'll probably apologise
and give you a free issue of Zodiac (coz he's a nice chap).

Thanks for saying FRED is the best disk mag ever, but I'd also
like to point out that it's also the best paper based magazine
CA                     Reply To R.I.P 96

around, even though it's not strictly a paper based magazine.
It's also the best TV program, the best beer mat, the best food
and even the best cup of coffee in the universe.  So, cheers and
jubliation all round for FRED, the best everything.  Ooh, I'd be
in trouble if I was still at school for using all those 'bests'
in the same sentence.  Disgraceful grammar.  And.  Because.

Well, thanks Douggy.  You've pretty much definitely put me out
of a job with that bloomin' letter of yours.  Not only has it
caused a controversial and pretty downright rude reply, but
you top it off by sticking in a vulgar joke.  It may be funny,
but it's just downright rude.  Thanks, Doug, thanks.

Mind you, Colin may never read this and my life will be saved.
Well, I'll soon find out.




    Letter From Andy (as he now likes to be known) Chandler

Dear Colin,

    Hi Again!  Long time no write (or something philosophical
like that).

    I hope I'm not too late to get involved with the great
Fantasy FRED League.  I didn't have time to write earlier then I
plain forgot until the latest FRED arrived.

    By the way, the 8-bit mono sampler/player was completed and
worked lovely when shown to the people that mattered (my
employers).  The quality was surprisingly good for a prototype
designed by me and the cost was kept to below £30.

    I have been in touch with Malcolm Mackenzie and he is
looking at passing it on to Simon Cooke (probably to laugh at
while he continues with his accelerator!) so who knows, I may
get a slot in Based On An Idea.

                    Letter From Andy Chandy

    Sorry, but it's not meant to be a plug, but Based On An Idea
is very good and something like this has been needed for a long
time since Format's and West Coast's interest in the SAM started
waning.  Still, that's another story.

    Thanks a lot, and hopefully some bits should be reaching you
soon (nothing to do with getting points for the Fred League...
dum de dum...)

                             Yours,
                             (Mine)

                              Andy






                    Reply To Andy Chandler

Crikey, Andy.  You blatantly CHEAT by not submitting your team
until after the first issue of FRED arrived, but somehow you
manage to end up at the bottom of the table!  I'm sorry, I don't
want to be nasty, but you are useless!  You had the issue there,
and you only scored two points.  If you're going to cheat, do it
properly, that's what I say.

Glad to hear that the sampler hardware worked well.  Keep us
updated with any developments.

I think I can forgive you for that little plug for BOAI.  After
all, it's reviewed in this section.

I'm also glad to see that you too have been sucked in by FFL,
and I hope that you can score many points with dozens of
contributions!



              A Few Snippets From Some Letters...

"I must admit that Fantasy Fred League is one of your better
 ideas, in fact its a brilliant idea"... Matt Vowles

"Very good idea with the Fantasy Fred League"... Mark Bennett

"Aa-ha-haa, thankyerverymuch"... Elvis

"Fantasy FRED League - what an incredible invention.  Anderton,
 you truly are a GOD"... Graham Goring

"What's Fantasy FRED League?"... Colin Macdonald

"Fantasy FRED League - nice one fella"... LOADED magazine

"It's the only thing that still amazes us about the twentieth
 century"... Captain Picard

"Fantasy FRED league is better than scoring for England.  Haway,
 man, pet"... Paul Gascoigne
                   Letter From Frank Harrop

Dear Colin,
       Fred 68 arrived yesterday (Saturday) even though you had
posted it on the 29th April, so it had spent some time under the
tender mercies of the Post Office!

Unfortunately it would not load, and on checking it with a
sector checker it had four faulty sectors on side one and four
on side two...luckily, as you know, you have a friends of mine
Peter Deane, as a recent "subber", so a quick call on him and we
settled on re-dumping his version to my disk.  Thinking that it
was just a corruption, I tried to re-format the disk but to no
avail, just an error report.  But I do have a copy courtesy of
Peter, so do not need a replacement, but thought, in case there
are still problems with your duplicator, this could be one of
them!

Now looking forward to browsing through this latest Fred issue,
for which many thanks.
                                            Frank
CA                   Reply To Frank Harrop

Many thanks for the letter Frank.  At least you have some way of
enjoying FRED, despite the infamous Post Office!

However, just mention the problem next time you order something
and Colin will stick in a replacement anyway.  That way you'll
be able to enjoy FRED with its glorious on-body print!













                  Letter From Mr. T K Cooper

Dear Colin,

    I am writing to you in regards to my telephone conversation
with you.  I would like some further information on how to use
DRIVER, especially on how to load and save Spectrum files,
games, screens and code as per pull down menu.

    Could you or somebody else produce a disc explaining and
showing how to utilise Driver more fully, to that what is
explained in the manual.

                        Yours sincerely,

                             T.K.COOPER





                    Reply To Mr. T K Cooper

Thanks for the letter - it's this sort of thing that helps
prompt people into writing articles.  If anyone reading knows
what is going on here and can help, please could you write an
article for FRED.  If you're concerned that someone else may
have already written one, give Colin a ring to find out.

Hopefully we'll have a kind soul who can help out and solve your
problem....











CA             Review Of "The new look" SAM2SAM

         SAM2SAM - ISSUE 14 : £1.50 : SATURN SOFTWARE

Well, well.  After my last review of Sam2Sam, they've decided to
come back for another drilling.  I must admit, the last issue of
Sam2Sam I saw was much better.  I even tried to ring Rob to tell
him - I thought a compliment from me would send him into shock!
But he wasn't in, so never mind.

And then, two months later, Sam2Sam 14 drops through my
letterbox (well, my pigeonhole).  It claims a new, better look.
Is this true?  What would it be like???  I could hardly contain
myself...

Two days later I decided to look at it...  Doug Young (or
whatever he calls himself today) has taken over production of
the magazine leaving Rob Clayton to, erm, do other stuff.  It's
a shame to see Rob go - I think he started off a little dodgy as
an editor, but his skills certainly improved a great deal.


Oh well, that's the past, what's Doug got up his sleeve?

Rightyo, the disc is booting.  Oh dear, it's not working.  Reset
and reboot and magically the disc works.  I've got such a wierd
SAM.  Well, it certainly looks to have better graphics, but now
I'm sat in front of this nice screen, and I'm stuck.  A little
fiddling soon shows that you have to use the "mouse keys" and
finally I call up a menu.

I'm not so sure about this new look.  The sections appear to be
a little more organised, there's music on the menu and the
graphics are a little better, but I don't see a vast change.

But that's not what matters.  It's content, not change.

The editorial doesn't have much content to it.  I mean, I'm not
getting at Doug, but he's had to fill it up with explanations of
what is going on and what addresses and names everyone has to
get used to.  It's all legible enough, but I am intersted to
know how Doug's going to cope when he has nothing specific to

talk about.  I just talk rubbish; will Doug do the same, or will
he be interesting, or will he get stuck?  Who knows.

The only thing that strikes me is that Doug appears to be asking
a little too much of himself.  Doug writes the bulk of the
magazine (which is a lot considering it is mainly all text) abd
he's promising 15-20 pages for articles and 20-40 pages for
editorials.  Don't make those promises, Doug!  It's a novelty
for the first few issues, but when you run out of things to say
and you've spent the last week typing non-stop, it'll drive you
into the ground.  Just promise a good read, that's all people
want.

The reader itself is pretty neat.  I get "BASIC vibes" off it,
but it looks, dare I say it, better than FREDs.  The text is
mode 3, but there are mode 4 graphics titles at the top which
give each section a unique, quality look which is nice.  It's
still the same turn-page, print, etc control menu at the bottom,
and I'm not a big fan of it, but that's probably just me.


The news section is largely based around what S2S are doing -
fair enough, ours concentrates mainly on FRED.  The biggest
news, obviously, is the take-over.

The SCADs article rather bizarrely is a cinema review and the
GamesMaster section a music review!  Hmm...

Input provides basic help and has the names and addresses of
various companies.

The Mailbag is currently empty.  The PD section is largely a
list of what is on the PD scene at the moment with a small
explanation of each.

The reviews section this month appears to be a disc and paper
based magazine special!  Doug must buy everything!  I am a
little wary of the consistantly high marking.  As you probably
know, I hate reviews that never rate programs below 75%.  I
think 50% should be average - it makes sense, doesn't it?


Apart from that S2S also has a Quazar section, an X-Files
section, a game, a module and a couple of screens.

Well, what can I say?  I'm certainly glad to see that even
though Rob Clyton has left the editing of S2S, it is carrying
on.  It's certainly a better issue than the bug-ridden one that
I was asked to interview last time!  In all honesty, it's not
the best issue I could have been asked to review.  It's the
first one that Doug is doing, and as such he can get away with
explaining everything.  The next issue will allow his creativity
to shine through, and I could give a better assessment then.  He
is certainly capable of writing some good stuff - you only have
to look back at the stuff he's reviewed for FRED over the past
six months.

I don't know.  I really, honestly don't.  I'd say this issue is
a little empty.  Obviously it's got more text than FRED, but a
couple of sections are missing (due to it being Doug's first
month - they'll be back next ish apparently) and a lot is pure
explanation of the change.

As for the articles - you can be safe in the knowledge that they
are interesting and informative.  The reviews need to be kicked
into line, but the x-files stuff and articles of a similar vein
are pretty good.

I'm not going to give this issue a rating.  It's the platform
for the next few issues Doug does.  He's got his feet in the
door, and now he's got to do the shouting.  The best of luck to
him.

SAM 2 SAM is £1.50 from Saturn Software,
                        [redacted]



CA                Review Of Based On An Idea

        BASED ON AN IDEA : £2.00 : ENTROPY AND ROOKSOFT

Based On An Idea is a new paper-based magazine from Simon Cooke
and Martin Rookyard.  It's A4 folded (same size as Format
or the SAMPaint/SAM C manuals), has 40 pages and at first glance
looks pretty professional.

The cover is simply white card and has the SAM robot (hooray!)
reading an issue of BOAI.

Inside the magazine is well laid out and very clear.  The
professional look of this magazine is something that hit me
instantly.  It really does look good - it's done an a powerful
machine, and I have to say that it looks better than Format.

There's a contents page and then we get down into the editorial.
The editorial explains that the reason BOAI has come about is
because Simon and Martin decided that there wasn't enough
technical information on the SAM.  Stuff like FRED and Format

are great but, in Simon's view, there isn't enough time devoted
to the technical gubbings.

The next main section is the news.  There's detailed info about
the PRODOS programmer, Chris Pile, who was banged to rights,
news of the Coupe emulator on X Windows, FRED's hard drives, and
various other non-gamesy information.

Next up we have a well written and explained review of SC_Disk
Protector which allows you to reset your SAM with disks in the
drive without fear of messing up your disk.  It got 5 stars, but
I don't know out of how many!  We also get to see all the
changes Simon has made to his SAM's insides, many of which I'd
love to do, but I'm an incompetent fool and I'd just break
everything.  Sigh.

We then have a bumper 7 and a half page article on how the
Burstplayer used in the MOD players works.  It's written by
Stefan Drissen.  Clearly, I have no chance of understanding it,
but, erm, it looks good, and I'm sure it'll be of immense help t

machine coders and people who have a brain.

There is then a 5 page article on how the mouse interface works,
which again is a little hard to follow, but if I can nearly
follow it, then people with some technical knowledge will find
it of great use.

Following this, we have a Dalmation article and a "SAM on the
internet" article.  Both well written, some snazzy piccies and
all very informative.

The final article is from Martin Rookyard and will no doubt be
of interest to a lot of people.  In it he explains the
accelerator that he and Cookie are working on.  It explains why
there are making it, what it will do and even bits of how it
works.

And we wind up with a next issue - promised for the end of
April, but I haven't yet heard of it....


Overall, BOAI is a very well presented and written magazine.
The articles are informative and the quality of the print is the
best you'll find for a SAM publication.  If you know nothing
about technical stuff, then don't bother with it.  If you want
to learn or already have an interest, then get it now.  Without
wanting to really offend Simon, I wouldn't rush into getting a
subscription straight away.  Keep them on their toes, and make
sure the issues are coming out.  It's a good magazine, and I'd
hate to see it die like SAM Prime has (or if it hasn't, should).

       Presentation: 92%
           Articles: 94%         Yep, it's a GOLD FREDal!
    Value For Money: 85%
            OVERALL: 90% (but ONLY for the techincally minded)

And it's available from:     Based On An Idea,
                             [redacted]

Interview: Kevin Smythe

                        'The' Interview

COLIN: Right, Kevin. I don't like you, but by popular demand,
       I'm going to have to do an interview with you. Just for
       God's sake type properly, and don't say dude or cool. OK?

KEVIN: OK. is it OK for me to say OK/? YOU said it! and you said
       dude and cool.. hahahah! and Ill use the amazng SCUMSpell
       spellchcker to check out all the words... sorted!!

COLIN: Kevin Smythe is the proud editor of SCUM! magazine, the
       new, amazing, ground-breaking magazine on the SAM. It's
       actually crap, but never mind. Since his first
       unbelievable issue on FRED 42, Kevin has sparked
       controversy and amazement at every corner, and was even
       driven to the point of attempted suicide. Which gladly
       failed... Hi Kevin.

KEVIN: Hello Pam :) :) :) you sadi you wouldnt talk about the
       suciide


COLIN: OK, you've said enough. Let's get down to details. When
       did you first get into computing?

KEVIN: Nigel 'talking-about-going0-to-poncey-university' Ackroyd
       had A zx81 AND I SHOPWED HIM HOW TO USE IT PROPERLY [ah
       caps lock} andd stuff. he only wanted it for the pretty
       grafixx and stuff and i had to unlock it's full potential
       and stuff

COLIN: Do you do anything else apart from computing and watching
       Baywatch?

KEVIN: i like Home+Away (=stand by the door hahahah) when they
       are on the beach a lot... the girls of course coz I don't
       like watching boys ;w46tgd;il3wr NIGELK SAYTS YES HE DOES
       HAHUIHHAHAHAH!!!!!"!"!!! BOG OFF ACKROYD!!

       im using Megatype 1.7 which has lots and lots of function
       ketys n stuff and nige thinks its funny coz he woin't
       tell me how to deleete stuff

COLIN: Have you reached puberty yet?

KEVIN: Is that where we choose subjects at schjool? I did that
       years ago

COLIN: Is it true that you were bullied at school because you
       used to go around looking up girls' skirts?

KEVIN: No but the girls used to step on my face and started
       wearing high heals and the doctor said i could lose my
       site if I didn't stop

COLIN: Is it also true that your real name is Kevin Smith and
       you only put Smythe to try and be posh?

KEVIN: My dad says that's not true and he'll sue for a million
       quid. Hhahaha just kidding but ill bet you wet yourself
       then!

COLIN: Where did the idea for SCUM! come from?

KEVIN: from my head!! noone else was unlcoking the full
       potential of the SAM and I felkt it was my duty like I
       had to do it for SAMMERS everywhere to save the SAM. We
       had some great support from Bruce Gordon, we kept sending
       loads and loads of ace ideas for a disk mag and he told
       us to bugger off and do one ourselves, what a guy,.we owe
       him so much

COLIN: Is it true that Nigel Ackroyd was the boss of the
       magazine in those days, and you were simply his, if you
       like, slave?

KEVIN: BOG OFF ANDERTEN!!!!!

       SCUM is MY company I run it and alsways have.. Ackroyd is
       my trainie! :) :) :)

       w cu94[w83au4 c 58943 r35tpifeth[oh Ha Niges mum just
       called him for dinner before he couild do anything!!


       We''ve got lots of business stuff in our family.. my
       uncle had a shop years ago, then they found him wrestling
       with the delivery boy and he mustve got hurt coz he
       retired. Thats what my dad said anyway, he doesn't like
       to talk about it.

COLIN: How long does it take to write an issue of SCUM?

KEVIN: It's a lot of work but i organize it really really well
       with a chart and a big list and some paper and a pen.
       That takes ages but is worth the effort coz then Ive only
       got a few days left but I know how many days exactly

COLIN: Yesorno was a classic program. Where did the idea come
       from, and who managed to do the programming for it?

KEVIN: Eddie was trying to decide if he should buy a Snickers
       [did that used to be called Bounty or somethig?] so we
       had an ace idea and a week later it was SORTED!! It was a
       team effort

COLIN: And of course, we musn't forget Ultrademo. It still has
       people gasping today. Were you pleased with that?

KEVIN: Yeah but I couldve written that myself so i wish Nige
       woud shut up about his amazing routines and get on with
       ULTRAdemo 2: MEGAULTRA. He says he knows ho9w to use PUTT
       and GRAB now

COLIN: What drove you to attempted suicide?

KEVIN: You said you wouldnt ask about that when you were
       laughing ojn the phone. Lots of BIG BIG hassles with my
       maths homework were getting really nasty'n'stuff. And
       Andrew said all those cruel things about SCUM then
       wouldnt join us and it really hurt. people dont
       understand we put our heart and soul into evry issue

       Anyway it wasn't suicide I was trying to fix that power
       supply you sold me and thoutght it might work bvetter
       plugged into the light socket so i was up on a chair and

       stuff and slipped. and that's the TRUTH. ask Eddie if you
       don't believe me he spent ages switching the light on and
       off and laughing before he fetched my mum

COLIN: Could you explain why it took a year and a half to
       produce the second issue of SCUM (that's worse that SAM
       Prime - erm, nearly).

KEVIN: it's QUALITY that counts and our readers know that and
       appretiate the effort that goes into every byte of SCUM

COLIN: Do you think that SCUM has improved over the years?

KEVIN: YEAH! but only a bit, coz issue 1 was so ace!! Its not
       pergfect, but you wait until you see ULTRAdemo2, it's
       #awesome#

COLIN: What is your opinion of FRED magazine?

KEVIN: wel I know you put a lot of hard work into it and stay in

       every night and spend all your money on disks like I do
       so I don't want to say anything too offencive. SCUM leads
       the way for others to follow! We planned a Fantasy SCUM
       League AGES ago and Nige's BEEPplayer was ready months
       before that gimmicky MOD thing Stephan did (who needs
       Amega rubbish?)

COLIN: What are your plans for the future?

KEVIN: SCUM will carry on and carry on getting bigger and
       better. We are still negotiating for some BIG licencing
       deals and expect to get good news any day now. Eddie is
       converting RIDGE RACER tto SAM and has already dione some
       fab numbersd for the speedo!!

COLIN: If you were the head of West Coast Computers (God
       forbid), what would you do to get the SAM back in the
       public eye?

KEVIN: Me and Nige were talking about this over the weekend and

       we had an ace idea. West Coast could do a portible SAM
       and you could get Gillian Andersen (is she really your
       sister? WOW!!) to use it in the X FILES and then everyone
       would want one!!!!

COLIN: Any last comments you'd like to add?

KEVIN: When will I get the signed photo of Gillian you promised
       me for this interview? can you get hr to kiss it? or i
       could give you a photo of me and she could kiss that=
       that would be fab, almost like a real snog!!

COLIN: Thanks, Kevin. It's been possibly the most enjoyable
       experience of my life talking to you (ahem). We must do
       it again soon. Give me a ring sometime on [redacted].
       Bye.

KEVIN: Hey I rung that number just now.. your mum (she sounds
       really young!) said I was caller number 7 and could send
       a message to Tracy from birmingam who is an oasis fan. I

       said I URGENTLY needed to talk to the Freditor about a
       few POKEs and she hung up...?!?!?!?

                         yours sincerly
                         Mr. K. Smythe
                       Owner of SCUM plc