Fred 23

Issue 23

Magazine

                          FREDitorial

Good  day  to  all  merry  FRED  readers once more! It's now the
Summer,  and  we've all been out enjoying the plentiful sunshine
recently  leaving  less  and  less  time for our coupe exploits.
Especially  me!  Unfortunately, this issue is another "rush job"
but I hope to keep you all entertained for a good while anyway.

Sadly,  the  last  four weeks have only made a pretty awful 1992
even  worse  -  the  recent  London  and Birmingham shows simply
managed  to  diminish  the  FRED  funds even further. So, as the
occurence  of All Format Shows dries up for the Summer months, I
am  yet  again forced to consider whether I can continue my high
attendance  level.  There are numerous people who feel it unfair
when  I  do  not  attend a fair, however I would like to explain
that the costs of each fair exceed £100. To cover that I have to
take  at  least  £200,  something  I  very  rarely  achieve.  In
addition,  it  takes  me  AT  LEAST 12 HOURS to travel to either
London,  Birmingham or Bristol so each fair takes 36 hours of my
time  -  most  of  which  is spent without sleep and on a coach!
Don't worry, I'm not looking for sympathy, just appreciation!!!
                           FRED News

Unfortunately,   I  don't  have many  further  details  on  FRED
projects.  What  has happened though is : The spelling checker
has  temporarily  been  given  the  title  "Easi-Spell"  for  no
apparent  reason  other than it was the only name we could think
up, at present it's being programmed with a dictionary of 20,000
words  but  we're  about to buy the rights to about 60,000 words
from  a  PC firm! Easi-Spell will be compatible with Outwrite as
well  as  all other major word processors. All the usual options
for  spell  checking  are  included  (change  all,  ignore  all,
rejustify  text  after  alterations  etc  etc)  and  a few bonus
utilities  are  lined  up  :  an  anagram and crossword solver -
simple type in the letters of the word you know and it will come
up with all possibilities or enter the anagram and it will print
all   possible   words  made  up of those letters!! It should be
released  around  the  start  of July priced at £14.99, but as a
special  offer,  if you order it before 1st July, we can let you
have it for only £12!!


                           FRED News

The  shoot-em-up  is progressing nicely, it's been provisionally
entitled  "Purge"  because  it's  being  coded by the Masters Of
Magic. The details are a bit sketchy but here's what I know :

3 level parallax backgrounds
15 aliens on screen
multiple power-ups
Mode 4, full 16 colour graphics
6 channel music
Animated main sprite
50 frames a second

Again, release  date is expected to be around the start of July.
It's going to be priced at £11.99 but as another special FRED
offer, if we get your order during June, you can get it for £10!

Only  three  pages into this months magazine and already you can
save nearly a fiver!!

                           FRED News

You may be interested to know that Rob Holman has finished Boing
for  SAM Technology. We don't know when it will be published but
it's  supposed to be pretty hot! Anyway, Rob was feeling kind of
bored  so  he thought "I know, I'll write a game for that brillo
software  house, FRED Publishing". OK, I lied. But he is working
on  a  game  for  FRED  and although we havn't decided which one
he'll be doing he has already started work on a driving game! In
case you're interested, it'll be out in 2 months.

I  havn't  heard anything about the beat em up for a while so no
news  there  I'm  afraid  but  we should have a demo of the Role
Playing  Game,  called  "The Tower", for next month. It won't be
out for a month or two but work is steaming ahead...

Remember, if you have an idea for a game, a character, a plot
whatever - send it in and if it gets used you'll earn some cash
as well as get famous!


                             Misc

In case you're interested when your subscription ends, grab hold
of  the  envelope  this  issue  arrived in and take the last two
numbers  of  that  six figure number at the bottom of the label.
That's the number your subscription runs till, so if it says 23,
you'll  also have found a re-subscription form in here! For your
records,  the first four figures is your membership number which
does help if you place an order but isn't necessary.

If  anyone  knows  a  suitable charity that I can send a pile of
used stamps to, I'd be grateful if you'd write and let me know.

Many  people have had problems with dumping the magazine text to
a  printer - the problem has been that it doesn't work! However,
the  code  on  this  and  FRED22  does let you print it out. All
you've  got  to do is alter the 'mag' and 'dcp' filenames in the
text  loader (on FRED22) to the names of those files on previous
issues. Turn the page and I'll give you an example....


                       Explain it Colin!

Put in the FRED22 disc, type BOOT 1, to boot DOS.
type LOAD "FRED22" LINE 10, to load in the file while stopping
     the autorun
you should get the program :

1 POKE SVAR 321,0: MODE 3: CLS #: LOAD "DOCREADER" CODE &8000:
LOAD "I22F.MAG" CODE: LOAD "I22F.DCP" CODE: CALL 32768: BOOT

All you've got to do is change the "I22F" to the name you
require. And to make it dead simple for you, here's all the
names you need to change it to :

For issues 17,18 & 19 change it to "PAGE"
For issue 20, change it to "PAGES1"
For issue 21, change it to "PAGE1"

eg on issue 20, ......LOAD "PAGES1.MAG" CODE: LOAD "PAGES1.DCP"
...... get the idea? It's "pure dead easy"!!

                           More Misc

For anyone under 30, I can highly recommend the film Waynes
World. It is very funny provided you've got a half decent sense
of humour. "Old" and "boring" people will not enjoy it but most
FRED readers should love it. I suggest you keep Terminator 2 in
mind for one part of the film and going when the cinema's full
gives a much better atmosphere.

As of yesterday, I've gone off to Swansea (again!), full reports
will continue in future FREDs but meanwhile address all orders
to "FRED Publishing" otherwise they get sent to me. Don't worry,
my little brother has been well informed as to how to run FRED!!

Can I just let it be known that the esteemed, sensible, careful
and level-headed editor of FRED has gone completely barking mad
and changed his hairstyle - to dreadlocks! I don't say this to
recommend it to anyone but it's fun and a nice change but it's
also expensive and a pain in the neck!! Sorry to ruin everyone's
angelic picture of me - but it HAD to be done!

                         New Modulator

At the recent London show, John Flood came up to me with
something I've wanted to see for a long time - a way of
seperating the TV modulator from the PSU. As many of you know it
is the RF noise from the power supply that causes the
interference in sound on a TV set. John has worked out a way of
splitting them up safely and cheaply.

John supplies a kit of electrical bits and bobs and full
instructions for just £12. However, a good two hours work is
needed to complete the seperation. To do this, you must have had
some experience using a soldering iron - I'm far from competant
but I knew what I was doing. It is also recommended that you get
hold of a multimeter for testing, I didn't use one and the
results are fine but I would advise it. In the end, it took me
over 4 hours instead of the usual two, but I feel it's been
worth it - the noise interference has been much reduced so that
I can now word process without the sound muted! After I finished
I did discover I had 4 screws and a "p" clips left over though..

                       Modulators away!

There are some very tricky bits involved - you have to drill
2,5,10 and 15 mm holes in the plastic box as well as having to
know about braids and shrouds etc.

If you use a TV and have, or know someone with, a bit of
electrical experience then I highly recommend this kit but as
we're messing about with 240 Volts, if you don't feel too safe
with soldering and electrical stuff etc then I would steer
clear.

To get the kit of all the components you need as well as full
instructions, simply send £12 ( £l0 plus £2 p&p) to :

[redacted]

                           New Stuff

Many of you seem to quite like Astroball, indeed I played it to
death last time I was in Swansea but sadly could only get to
level 20 - sniff! For the cheats among you, apparently you can
hold Space which toggles the pause hence slowing the game right
down! Also, Paul Smout phoned up and told me about a few
messages you might like to type in on the high score table to
get various replies! : BALOR KNIGHT, HELP, CHEAT, ASTROBALL,
HELLO, ESI, S**T, CHRIS P, JADE L, DONT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY BUT
F**K OFF  as well as just pressing Return.

The SAM Adventure Club recently sent me their latest release -
"Deep Waters". This is a collection of about TWELVE emulated
adventures - all of which are thoroughly brilliant! If you have
any interest in adventures then I very strongly advise you to
send of £6 for it. Just the "Davy Jones Locker" kept me hooked
for hours! If you want to order Deep Waters or find out more
about the SAM Adventure Club, the address is :

[redacted]

As many older FRED readers know, I usually detail all my Show
adventures in the magazine. Well, on the recent trip to London
nothing adventurous happened. By that I mean than this time I
wasn't arrested, thrown off my bus, lost in Soho, walking around
London with Ian Slavin and Ged Corner (a fate worse than death!)
or any of my usual antics.

Nope. This time, I went to the All Formats Show in Esher (Surrey
- South London) until 1pm then disappeared off to the Amiga
Shopper Show for the afternoon. After spending many, many hours
exploring the intrepid depths of Wembley, we (I was with Jon
Pillar - he who "writes" for Your Sinclair) we found the Show.
Before I begin, I'll let you know that the only shows I have
been to are the 19 All Format Shows I've been to over the last
18 months. This place was big. Sorry. This place was BIG. Take
half a dozen Amiga stands and you could fit an entire All
Formats Show in! Commodore launched their new A600
(incidentally, the A500 and A500+ are no longer being
manufactured so grab 'em quick!) as well as trying to show off
                      Amiga Shopper Show

their CDTV (I say trying because in my humble opinion it was
crap - and not many things make me mad enough to "swear" in
FRED! Future (the comic book publishers - YS etc) were also
there so that everyone could laugh at Matt Bielby and Andy
Storer (an ex-YS editor and pillock wearing shorts respectively)
Many well know faces made small-talk while standing on a stage,
these chaps go by the names of Electronic Arts, Jeff Minter,
Virgin, Sensible Software and Bitmap Brothers. The Bitmap
Brothers also challenged loads of people to play them at
Speedball 2 but considering they wrote it, nobody did very well!
  Other companies such as Silica Soft and Citizen also did a
very poor job of making me spend my money at their stand - in
fact they both failed miserably.
  There was plenty of software around and most of it at very
reasonable prices - except for PD! I picked up an excellant
Sound Sampler for almost half price as well as a bundle of
goodies!
  There were two "different" stalls though, and for them you
must press the right arrow key to find out more....
                         Shopper Shows

The first was the "Super-X", you know, the hydraulic cab which
crams in a dozen people and shows videos of fast driving,
skiing, rafting etc etc. This cost £1, so we didn't have much to
lose but despite being jolted about all over the place ten feet
in the air, it didn't really have much more fun than trying to
cram everyone into the side of the cab when it lurched to one
side! A bit sad really!

The other "different stand" was a Virtual Reality stand. Now, as
you know, VR is something I am very enthusiastic about so I had
to have a go! The game I played involved me walking about an
obscure landscape trying to shoot a computer-controlled
opponent. It was very good despite being slightly slow (if it
had been faster I would have been brilliant - honest!). It cost
£3 and I got about 2-3 minutes which proved fairly expensive but
it was a show. The other machine was a "sitty-down" shoot-em-up
style game. I would strongly recommend you try to get at least
one shot at a VR machine - it certainly proves what VR could do
in the future, the possibilities are almost endless. Just while
         Shopper Show, well, hi-tech gear really!

I'm on the subject of VR, if anyone goes to see the first ever
VR film "The Lawnmower Man", one of Britains few films, please
write a review for the next issue! A bit of coincidence here,
because I'm just listening to the radio and the DJ has just
done a brief talk about "Flotation Chambers", the jist of it
seemed to be that you get shut in a pitch black room and then
get gravity taken away from you! I've no idea where these are in
the country or of cost but, it comes recommended from DJ Nicky
Campbell so if you try it - let me know!


I havn't heard anything from any of you about the Laser Quests
that are sweeping the nation!! I know the one in Nottingham is
the same as Swansea so that is worth a visit and I've now had a
second opinion that the Dundee version is rather sad. Come on
readers - what fancy computer gear have you used recently, what
amazing new technology centre has opened near you or have the
price of a tin of beans just gone up in your local supermarket?
We want to know!
                    More Special Offers???

Am I content with only saving you a fiver? No, I am not. So now,
let me give you another chance to save money. Most of you will
have at least heard of the magazine SCPDU. Well, having had a
bit of a chat with Justin Ash, the chap who puts it all together
we came up with a scheme that should interest everyone.

His issue 4 will be out by the time you read this. Not only is
this his best issue yet but it is also a double disc issue! How
much would you pay for two discs? £3? £4? £5? Well, for as
little as 36p you can hold of this issue!!! That's right, all
you've got to do is send two stamps to Justin and he'll send you
back the two discs of issue four! Because of the generosity of
this offer it only stands to FRED readers and only if you send
off before the 1st July 1992. So get stamp sending to :

[redacted]

                           Oooops!!

Last month there was a slight mistake made! As many of you will
have noticed, on the FRED22 menu, if you held down a key for
more than a split-second, it locked up! So what you had to do
was either tap the key very lightly or press the required key
when the logo appeared. Because of the nature of this problem, I
never encountered it - but when I sent out several hundred
copies and received half of them back I realised I had a problem
and a half!!

As was pointed out in issue four of the SAM Coupe Adventure Club
magazine, there was a little extra file on last months disc.
Normally, very few people rake through the directory but because
a lot of people had problems with the menu, they had to! I
therefore apologise to those who were "disturbed" by the
appearance of that little file - and I can safely say that about
half the issues of FRED have had little freebies hidden away!!
So get DIRing!!!!


                        Happy Birthday!!

As I write this issue, it's been exactly two years since I
started FRED. For those of you that thought next month would be
the 2 year mark, remember that there was a 2 month gap between
issues 10 and 11 because of my exams which was why issue 11
became a double disc issue!

Anyway, I would like to make a proposal to everyone that reads
FRED - if you have ever thought about doing anything for FRED,
do it now! I want issue 24 to be the biggest and bestest issue
ever, draw birthday pictures, write articles, code demos,
compose music, devise routines or even just write a letter!!
Issue 24 is a great acheivement for me, because it's 23 issues
than I thought I'd be. I would like to see some contribution
from everyone,no matter how small (the contribution , not you!)
Remember, I do FRED as a non-profit making magazine and if you
want FRED to keep going, send in something - even a letter would
be fantastic. Just something. Thank you.


                   More dosh saving offers!

Once again, it's time to remind you all of the wonderful
software FRED publishes :

 Coming roaring up into the lead is Impatience - compatible with
the SAM Mouse, Joymouse, joystick, cursor keys or redefinable
keys. It features 24 mind-bogglingly hard levels, music from
Frantisek Fuka as well as a classic bonus game "Viking". Your
Sinclair rated it 90% - the same as Prince of Persia!! And at
£9.99 that makes it great value for money!
 The demand was so high that we couldn't refuse! We got a flood
of letters demanding more levels to Impatience, so we set Steve
Taylor to work again and once more he came up with a masterpiece
that scored 84% in Your Sinclair and still only costs £4.99

But, if it's money-savers you're after then we can supply
Impatience and The Later Levels for just £13. That gives you a
YS review of a massive 174% for less than the average price of a
SAM game! How can you refuse???

                   We're still not finished!

Hot off the press are "Force 48"s FREDatives, featuring games,
utilities, music, graphics, articles etc etc they're just like
issues of FRED - but done entirely by Andrew Hodgkinson! Numbers
1 - 4 are availavle at just £2 each or get all four for £7.

If you've bought a mouse then you'll need a mouse mat, which we
can supply you with for £3.

Remember, all back issues of FRED are available at just £1.50
each, £8 for six or £15 for twelve.

Get your FRED as soon as it's released for £8 for 6 months or
£15 for 12 months.

As a special "June" offer, if your order comes to over £20 for
any of the goods listed on the last 2 pages, you can take 10%
off! But remember, only before the 1st July 1992 !!!!


                         Disc Contents

As you'll all be aware, it's now exam time again. Our young
friend Cookie in Manchester has actually given up computing for
three months just so he can study for his exams! So don't send
him any discs for a while! Anyway, in the seconds before his
computer was snatched from under his nose, he knocked up a "Good
bye" demo which he oddly entitled "Hot Butter", anyway it's
quite good and as with all good m/c demos these days, it's got a
reset screen - hold down the reset button!

Both my good self and Wizard of Wizards Steve Taylor have been
receiving so many letters asking how to do various levels of
Triltex 1 & 2. Steve, being a thoughtful chap, has come up with
the solutions - in demo form! All you've got to do is select the
level you want to see and it'll show you how it's done!! Over
the next 6 issues or so, we'll include all the levels, so if you
don't want to see them - close your eyes!



                         Disc Contents

And now, to introduce a new contributor to FRED, David Simmonds,
for this month he's written a BASIC shoot-em-up, No Way Back
style called "Invasion" .Good FX and graphics but I can't get
very far!!!

From the person that did this months menu, Vampire, comes
another BASIC game. Called "SAM Mines" it's based on the old
Speccy classic Mined Out. Control is using the function keys but
if you read the instructions you'll find out that as well as a
lot more!

Unfortunately, due to his exams, Steve Taylor is unable to do a
machine code column this month. The Masters Of Magic had
programmed the "best demo ever" just for this issue but the good
old Post Office let me down again - so I'll put in a few
pictures instead! Sorry folks! Demo AND column next month!!!!



                         Disc Contents

You know the problems - you're a potentially first rate m/c
programmer with all those routines simply bursting to get out
but you just can't afford an assembler. Well, exactly a year ago
we brought you a dissassembler and now, thanks to John Moore,
you have yourself an assembler!! It's not brilliant and it takes
a bit of getting used to, so rather than me spending 8 pages
explaining it I suggest you figure it out, after all, if you
can't figure out how to work it, you're not going to write the
next Lemmings are you?!

Everyone seemed very impressed with the ESI Surprize demo when
it appeared - except for people "in the know" like programmers,
and me! Now, Mork has surpassed himself in doing a similar
unlimited bobs effect (with help from Steve Taylor) and in
BASIC! A clap of the hands there methinks. He's also done a
various pattern demo so they go quite nicely (hand in hand as
t'were).


                         Disc Contents

More Sound Machine demos!!! I think this will have to be about
the last of these both because everyone's getting fed up of them
and because E-Tracker SHOULD be coming out soon and will inspire
a whole new array of talent from you all!!
This months tunes come from Roger Hartley.

Our good friend Dan Doore or Banzai as he likes to be
affectionately called once more pours more of his blood, sweat
and tears into programs for this months FRED. This issue, I've
given him a section all to himself! Named "The Banzai Bunch" it
includes a super-smooth scrolly with Total Recall piccies, a
"4-Line" AXE-esque type demo and a Horace Goes Skiing demo!!

In the letters section this month we have one or two letters as
well as a few jokes (clean this time!) as well as Morks ever
popular Puzzle Corner!



                            Credits

It's now 6am, Thursday morning and I'm very, very, very pleased
that I've finished off this issue in time as well as not waking
up anyone else in the house who's sleeping!!

The usual temporary thanks go to :

Mork                   Cookie                  Wizard
David Simmonds         Vampire                 Masters Of Magic
AXE                    Mork                    Roger Hartley
Banzai                 John Moore              Claire Hossack
Those Two              BitaByte

Issue 24 will be out the first week in July and you can get it
for just £1.50 from :

[redacted]                         And remember, if you have to
                                   talk to me - I'll be at SAMCo
                                   not home until October!!!  CM

Letters & Reviews

                             Intro

This month, we've got one letter, one reply, a pile of jokes and
the traditional puzzle corner.

Not much of a letters section but then again, I don't get many
letters.

Not much of a reviews section either but then again, what is
there to review???

There should be a review next month because I'm still waiting on
a few reviewers to write up a few things. From what I can
remember this will include Batz n Balls, ProDOS and SC_Monitor.

OK, write as much as you can for next month, OK people?





[redacted]

Dear Colin,

  You said in FRED 17 at the end of my computers article that it
complemented the Dream Machine and Equinox, I am very interested
in artificial intelligiance and would like to see some programs,
(no  matter how simple) in FRED which are seemingly intelligent,
but   as   my  programming  skills  are  somewhat  short  of  my
expectations of a program I think you should set a challenge for
FRED  readers  to do their best at AI programs.

  Now that I  have  512K  I  would like to see on FRED more 512K
programs/demos, I realise that to have too many 512K programs on
the  disk  would be unfair to the 256K owners but I am sure that
one  or  too  small  program's  every  other  issue wouldn't put
anybody's nose out of joint.
  I have included some jokes on this disk as well as I know that
most  people  don't  like  a  disc to be totally full of serious
stuff
                         Calvin Allett

I  was  glad  to  see  a few of your machine code programs a few
issues  back  as  I  think  you  should include more of your own
programs as people like to see what Da Edd can do.

When  I  purchased  the  256K  extra memory the other day I also
bought  Prince  of  Persia,  the thing is that Prince works fine
when  I reset to 256K but when I attempt to load it in 512K mode
it  won't  even load in, it just makes the disk drive go mad and
start vibrating (as though there is a track error or something),
could you  please  tell  me whether it's my copy thats faulty or
whether it's not supposed to work in 512K, and if it is supposed
to work in 512K is there any extra features.

PLEASE BRING BACK THE FRED PROGRAMMING COMPETITIONS YOU WOULD
GET MORE ENTRIES NOW AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE

Yours Faithfully

Calvin Allett
                             Reply

I'm also very interested in AI and I would love to see more of
what you and other programmers can do with it! I found the X 'n'
Os game a few issues back pretty clever but limited.

I've included a few of your jokes over the page....

There have been quite a few 512K only demos on FRED but it's
only when you try to load them in on 256 that you know they're
512 only!! Personally, I havn't had any hassles with Prince in
512 - perhaps you have an old ROM? type PRINT PEEK 15, if the
answe IS NOT 30, then you have an old ROM. No, Prince is the
same in 512 as 256.

I'm glad someone likes my feeble attempts at m/c programming. I
did enjoy writing them it's just that I havn't had any spare
time to do more recently, but if I do, I'll definetely stick
them on FRED!


                JOKES (BY Calvin Robert Allett)

There's an Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman and there walking
along  the street on the way to the pub, on the way they come to
a  playground and the Irishman suggests they have a swing on the
swings,  just as they are sitting down a genie appears and say's
to  them  "You can each slide down the bannana slide and whilst
on  your  way  down  call out what you wish to land in!." WeyHey
says  the  Englishman  and  down  the slide he goes shouting out
beer,  and just as the genie said he lands in beer. The scotsman
slides down and shouts out whiskey and so he lands in whisky. So
next the Irishman has his go and just as he slides down he calls
out Weeeeeee.

There's  an Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman and there at the
top of a high tower and the Englishman makes a bet, "I bet I can
drop  my watch out of the window and run down the stairs in time
to catch it at the bottom", "Go on then" the Scotsman and so the
Englishman  dropped  his watch ran down the stairs as fast as he
could but when he reached the bottom his watch was broken on the
ground.   "I'm  faster  than  you!"  said the Scotsman and so he
                Jokes (By Calvin Robert Allett)

dropped  his  watch  and ran down the stairs three at a time but
alas he was too slow.  "Let me have a go" said the Irishman.
"Go on then" said the Englishman and the Scotsman in unision and
so  the  Irishman  dropped  his watch and slowly walked down the
stairs  pausing  half  way down to scratch his forehead, when he
reached the bottom he stood looked up and caught his watch.
"How  did  you  do  that"  said  the  Scotsman, and the Irishman
replied "Easy, my watch was five minutes slow"

There  was  an  Englishman,  a  Scotsman  (called  Colin) and an
Irishman and they were out sniping (they were soldiers) and just
as  they crept up to the camp of the enemy they were spotted and
thrown in the dungeon, the next day the Englishman was taken out
to  be  shot,  he was put against a wall and the General shouted
READY,  AIM  and  the  Englishman  shouted TORNADO, the marksmen
began to panic and started running around in a panic , while all
this was going on the Englishman made a run for it, the next day
the  Scotsman  (who  was called Colin) was taken out to be shot,
the   General  shouted  READY,  AIM  and  the  Scotsman  shouted
                JOKES (By Calvin Robert Allett)

EARTHQUAKE,  the  marksmen  again began to panick and while they
were  running  around in hysterics the Scotsman ran away, on the
third  day the Irishman was taken out into the courtyard and the
General  yet  again  shouted READY, AIM and the Irishman shouted
FIRE!

A  classroom of children were sitting listening to their history
teacher  all morning, at the end of the lesson the teacher asked
Billy  (who  had  been sitting day dreaming) who had knocked the
walls  of  Jerico  down  and  he  promptly replied "It wasn't me
miss!",  surprised at his answer she went to see his mother that
night  and  told  his  mother what his reply to the question had
been,  to  which his mother replied "If our Billy said he didn't
do it then he didn't do it!".

An  Englishman,  Irishman  and Scotsman were walking through the
jungle  when  they  were  attacked  by  a  group of pigmies, the
pigmies  said  they  were  going  to  kill them but they had one
chance  to  live,  "If you pick 100 fruits of the same kind then
                JOKES (By Calvin Robert Allett)

you  can  live",  "thats  easy!", said the Irishman, the pigmies
replied  "When you have picked 100 fruit you must then push each
one up your behind without laughing!", the Englishman went and
picked  100 small berries then proceeded to push each one up his
behind without laughing, the Scotsman went out and picked 100
gooseberries and pushed 95 of them up his behind and then burst
out laughing, "We will have to kill you now for laughing but
tell us why did you start to laugh when you were so close?", the
Scotsman pointing to the Irishman replied "Have you seen that
stupid idiot, he's picked 100 coconuts!".


OK, so you see, almost anything and everything gets printed in
this magazine so send your text files in on disc and I'll put it
in the next issue - no problemo!




                    Morks Puzzle Corner no.5

Greetings and salutations! Sorry there was no Puzzle Corner last
month  but  better  late  than  never, as I always say. I'm in a
particularly  joyous mood right now as I've left school. No more
Miss  Pont breathing down my neck! (the school battle-axe). Just
a  few  months  of  R  &  R  and then I start university (Bsc in
Computing  Science  at Heriot-Watt University, Edinburgh if your
interested.) Enough of my prattle, here's the answers :

Answer to (1). Own up, how many of you said 50 days? If the pond
weed doubles it's size every day, then the day before it will be
half  the size. Therefore the weed covers half the pond after 99
days.

Answer to (2). A tricky one this. You have to visualise what the
snail  is  doing. It's going up 3, down 2, up 3 etc. On the 26th
day  it  goes up 3 and gets to 29 metres, it slips down 2 metres
that  night  to  27 metres. The next day, the 27th, it goes up 3
and  gets  to the top. It slips down two metres during the night
but it still reaches the top after 27 days.
                          Morks Corner

Answer  to  (3).  The egg drops 5 metres above a concrete floor,
but the floor is 5 metres, 1cm below the egg!

Answer  to  (4).  No,  this doesn't mean one of the kids is half
boy,  half  girl  (don't  ask  which half). All the children are
boys.

Answer  to (5). As any five year old knows; you can't dig half a
hole!

Answer to the Classic Puzzle.

There  he  is.  The  thief  is  standing at the bridge, crapping
himself.  The guards are almost on top of him (nudge nudge, wink
wink).  What  does  he  do? A brain-wave hits him. He throws the
gold rings in the air and juggles them, that way he only carries
two rings at one time. After getting across the bridge safely he
cuts  the  rope  to  stop the guards following him and breaths a
sigh of relief. Don't you just love a happy ending?
                          Morks Corner

Computer Puzzle Solution.

There's  no  clever  way about it I'm afraid. You simply have to
try  every  single  combination.  Here's my solution but you may
have done it a better way.

   10 LET year=1993, found=0
   20 DO
   30   LET year$=STR$ (year), rev$=""
   40   FOR r=LEN year$ TO 1 STEP -1
   50     LET rev$=rev$+year$(r)
   60   NEXT r
   70   IF rev$=year$ AND year/4= INT(year/4)
   80     PRINT year$
   90     LET found=found+1
  100   END IF
  110   LET year=year+1
  120 LOOP UNTIL found=3

                          Morks Corner

Prize Puzzle Answer

I'd   like  to  say  I  received  a  lot  of  entries  for  this
competition, but I didn't! In fact I reveived the grand total of
zilch,  zero,  no  entries. Come on, it wasn't that hard! Here's
the answer

Just   to   recap;  A  German  officer  has  just  discovered  a
lieutenant stealing provisions. "Aha, vee hav a lier!", said the
German  officer, "zee German army vill not tolerate a lier! Your
last  vords  vill be von sentence. If you tell a lie you vill be
eaten  alive by rats, and vill die a horrible death. If you tell
zee truth you vill be mercifully shot."

The  lieutenant  thinks  he is going to the big army barracks in
the  sky,  but  being  an  intelligent  chap  he comes up with a
cunning  plan.  He  says  "I  vill  be eaten alive by rats." The
German  Oficer  raises  his gun, he looks puzzled and lowers the
gun,  then  he  raises it again, lowers it, raises it, lowers it
                          Morks Corner

etc.  This goes on for a good five minutes. The Officer screams,
bites the pistol and pulls the trigger.

What  a  bright  spark that lieutenant is. If you haven't got it
yet,  just  think. If he is eaten alive by rats he's telling the
truth,  so  he should be shot. But if he is shot, he's lying, so
he  should be eaten by rats. But if he is eaten alive by rats...
No wonder the Officer wanted to meet his maker.


I'm  actually  running  a  bit short of puzzles, so I thought it
would be a good idea if you, yes you, sent in a puzzle or two. I
couldn't  pay  you  but you would have the honour of having your
name  in  print  in  the only Coupe disk magazine worth a second
look,  or  failing  that;  Fred.  If  you  do  come up with some
fiendish  mind-benders then send them to me, William W. McGugan,
at the address below. Ta very much.


                          Morks Corner

You'll   need   psychoanalysis  (is  that  spelt  right?)  after
attempting these puzzles.

(1)  Two  Indians,  "Running  water"  and  "Standing  bull", are
walking  through  the  forest.  "Running  water"  is  the son of
"Standing  bull",  but  "Standing  bull" is not his father. How?
(Indian speak there!)

(2)  There  are  two  trains  on  the  same  track  heading on a
collision   course.  The  crash  right  on  the  border  of  two
countries. Where are the survivors to be buried?

(3)  If  your neighbours pet Peacock lays an egg in your garden,
who does the egg belong to?





                          Morks Corner

                          Prize Puzzle

I'll  try and make this one a bitty easier, it's also a computer
puzzle.

A  two-digit  number,  read  from left to right, is 4.5 times as
large  as  the same number read from right to left. What is that
number?

If  you  think  you  have  the answer then send it to me at this
address: [redacted]

The Prizes

The  prize  is  a copy of SmartFile and SmartPhone and I'll send
you  every other SmartSoft program I write. This also gives me a
chance to slip in a plug ( I'm sure you don't mind, Col ).


                          Morks Corner

"SmartPhone" is a Address/ Phone manager with a difference. It's
completely  mouse  controled  with  menus and windows, it's very
fast  with  automatic  sort.  It's  main  feature is the dialing
facility;  this  program  will  dial  any  phone number for you.
Simply hold the phone to the speaker on your monitor/ TV, select
dial  and  your  through  in  seconds!  Ideal for the home user.
SmartPhone  works  with  any  DOS/  memory  and costs £5. Send a
cheque  or  postal  order  to  the  address  above, and mark the
envelope "SmartSoft".


I'll sign off in my usual way. Nanoo nanoo...


Thanks once again to Mork - may your Smartphones sell in
millions!