Fred 55

Issue 55

March 1995

Magazine

CA                         EDITORIAL

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to start this editorial off
with an apology to Tim Paveley.  Somewhere along the line in the
production of FRED 54, Tim's game acquired a bug, hence giving
you a shrunk screen area.  Hundreds of apologies, and I promise
that it'll NEVER happen again.  To correct your version, do the
following.

- Reset your SAM
- Make sure your issue of FRED 54 is not write protected (Eg the
  little hole is covered up in the bottom left of the disc)
- Put FRED 54 in the disc drive
- Type LOAD "Fortress" LINE 60540      Press RETURN
- Type LET XRG=256                     Press RETURN
- Type SAVE "Fortress" LINE 10         Press RETURN
- Write protect your copy of FRED again

And you now have a fully working issue 54.  Sorry to everyone
who has been forced to play with a small view for a month. What
can I say except "Oops".
CA                          A TITLE

Onto a subject to cheer everyone up now.  When you receive this,
it'll only be 6 weeks until the SAM and Spectrum show.  Just to
remind you all, it's in Quedgley on Saturday the 29th of April,
and is going to be far too good for words.  Make arrangements to
get there now, because the more the merrier.  If you suddenly
find out that you can't go because you accidently booked an
appointment to have your wart removed, you'll kick yourself.

Please come and say hello while you're there.  Don't just have a
look at the FRED stand and then go.  Pluck up the courage to
say, "Hello I'm John.  Are you Colin Anderton?" to which I'll
reply, "Yes, have a hundred pounds."  I may not say the last
four words of that, but we'll have a good chin-wag anyway.
There'll be lots of FRED stuff for you to buy, including the all
new, wonderful C-compiler (hopefully), so start saving.

But if anyone says, "What happened about 'Fortress'?  Was that
your fault?" then I'll eat them.

CA                           COLIN

What a smart name Colin is.  And at last I've realised why I was
called it.  It is of course to confuse all FRED readers.  Well,
as everyone has tried to slap nicknames on us, I'll put them
down and you can decide what to call us.

       COLIN MACDONALD                   COLIN ANDERTON

          Colin M                            Colin A
          McColin                             Tommy
           BigMac (snigger)                    Ando
           Mr Mc                              Mr An
     Big hairy gorilla            Intelligent, witty young lad

I made two of those up (can you guess which?).  The other things
I've been called aren't fit for a family magazine, which is a
good job because there'd be another twenty pages of them!

By the way, contrary to popular belief, Colins are NOT thick
plonkers.
CA                      SPECCY EMULATORS

I know that a lot of people say we shouldn't use our SAM to play
Spectrum titles on because it means that we're not using the SAM
to its full potential.  Well, I'm one of those who disagrees.
If we can use our SAM to play another few titles, why not?
Well, it seems as if other computers are finally realising the
massive amount of people who still have that little flutter in
their heart at the mention of the Spectrum.  What am I talking
about?  A couple of Spectrum emulators of course.

Those people who own PCs were given the opportunity to own a
Spectrum emulator given away on a recent issue of PC Format.  I
personally haven't read PC Format, so I'm not sure if back
issues are available, but it's by Future Publishing so I assume
they are.  The issue was out from mid Jan to mid Feb (don't know
which number) and gave away such classics as Chaos, Rebelstar
and, I think, Three weeks in Paradise.  Those with PCs should
snap it up, especially if it handles .SNA format snapshots
because these are widely available of the Net.

CA                  !SDRAWKCAB SI ELTIT SIHT

Meanwhile, on my other (second) machine, the Acorn Archimedes, a
Mr Graham Willmott has written a Spectrum emulator, which works
very well.  Peter Moore has somehow got a few Spectrum games
working, and because the version I've got doesn't have sound,
I've put a mod playing in the background.  It's called !MZX and
is available in lots of Arc PD libraries.  Oh, and it runs .SNA
format snapshots.  Graham said he was thinking of writing a SAM
Coupe emulator as well, but I haven't been able to get in touch
with him.

Finally, to fill in this gap, Peter Moore would like to know if
anyone has written a SAMTape to .SNA speccy file converter.  At
the moment, Pete has worked out most of it, but only about 40%
of stuff works.  If anyone knows how to do it, or could give
more information on how the 27 byte .SNA header works, can they
send information to FRED, and I'll pass it on.

Also, if anyone knows how to get a Spectrum emulator on another
machine, drop us a line.
CA                 I HOPE YOU'RE ALL JEALOUS

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.  Guess what I got in the post yesterday?  I
really hope that you're all Red Dwarf fans because I won a
signed photograph from the Red Dwarf crew.  And it's not a tacky
photocopy.  No, it's infact a glossy photo carefully stuck onto
card, then personally signed by Lister, Rimmer, Kryten and the
Cat, then covered in expensive plastic with the logo in the
corner.  I won it in a competition in 'Better Than Life' the RD
fan club magazine.

With a bit of luck now, Colin Macdonald is going to write a
little something.  He said he wasn't, but I drove up to Dundee
and held his arm up behind his back in that really painful way
until he gave up.  Let's C what he has to say.

I'll leave a small gap to, erm, make his entrance more dramatic.




CM                    Strange exploits...

For the last few weeks, as you all know I've been tied up with
my Degree exams. You'll all be pleased to hear that they are now
finished for the moment, and to congratulate us brilliant
students on completing another set of grueling exams, the
University decided to give us two weeks off!

The first week I spent catching up on FRED work, but by the end
I'd got thoroughly fed up with Dundee. So, on the Thursday I
phoned a friend of mine through in Glasgow, and asked whether he
would mind a visitor for a few days. Within an hour I was on my
way through! Just to smash anyone's preconceptions about the
"Scotland's so small everyone knows everyone else" theory,
Glasgow is about 150 miles from Dundee, and I only know 4 people
there!

Anyway, this friend of mine helps run a nightclub through there
("The Tunnel", in case anyone's interested!), and because of
this despite the opening hours being from 10.30pm - 3.30am, we
spent from 9pm until at least 4 or 5 in the morning in there!
CM                      Glasgow calling

I have to be honest, I enjoy nightclubs occasionally but they
are something that can be enjoyed once in a while, over
indulgence just completely spoils them, so spending eight hours
every night for three days in one nightclub has put me off them
for a good while.

However, there is a story behind all these ramblings. One night
after the place had "officially" closed, the staff stayed behind
for a few drinks. We were just chatting with a few of the
barstaff until about 5, when myself, my host for the weekend
went for something to eat with one of the barmen. By this point,
I'd been quite happily speaking to this guy for an hour or two,
when his face seemed very familiar. Considering the time of the
morning, I didn't think anything of it and headed for home,
leaving him in the pizza shop.

Walking down the road towards a taxi I realised that he reminded
me of Ron Stirling, the guy that used to run the SAM disc mag
Review a few years back, he'd also got his games MEGADISK
CM                       Bonny Glasgow

published by SAMCo, and a few years ago I had been speaking to
Ron about publishing the art package he was developing - this
was before Graham Burtenshaw came along with SAMPaint.

Assuming that this was his brother I had just met, I went back
to check, and lo and behind, it was the very same Ron Stirling!
As soon as I'd said my name was Colin, he said he'd also
recognised me from somewhere but couldn't place me.

Anyway, seeing as we did actually know each other, we hung about
for half an hour chatting about the SAM. Sadly, his SAM had
broken down and assuming he couldn't get it fixed, threw it out!
After telling Ron about all the things that have been happening,
I've put him in touch with West Coast Computers about buying a
brand new one! Of course, I'll be trying to persuade him to do
something for FRED...

Like I said, out of the 2 million people in Glasgow, I know 4.
And I speak to one of them for 2 hours without knowing it!!!
CM                      C, sun and sand

I know, it's a silly name for a programming language and it
simply invites hundreds of dreadful puns and slips of the
tongue, but it was invented a good few years back so there's not
a lot I can do about it.

Except, of course, to tell you all about the SAM version.

Following last month's brief article, it appears that some of
you don't know what C is. Let me explain : it is a structured
programming language that has been designed for it's simplicity
to understand and for the fast speed of the machine code it
produces.

Anyone with a simple grasp of BASIC can learn C - there's print
statements, while and for loops and variables, just like BASIC.
However it is much less strongly error checked ie the compiler
assumes you know what you are doing even if it doesn't make
complete sense. This is hugely beneficial when you get to know a
bit about C because it lets you do things that other languages
CM             I do like to be beside the C side

simply won't let you, however, the down side is that you have to
figure out what your mistakes are.

I like to think of C as a cross of BASIC and machine code. It's
similar to writing in BASIC, but because it compiles to machine
code, you have the power and speed of writing in assembly
language - something usually left for the talented few, sadly,
those do not include me! Which is why C suits me perfectly!

C at it's simplest is not capable of very much. There are two
things which make it so powerful :

1) The ability (for those that can do it) to directly include
   assembly language instructions INSIDE the C code.

2) The ability for C programs to incorporate libraries.
   Libraries are sets of routines that make C's capabilities
   limitless - and these are written in a mixture of C and
   assembly, so of course, you can write your own!
CM                       C what I mean?

With SAM C, will come a wide array of standard libraries. We're
still working on them at the moment, but already developed are
the input/output library, the string library and the graphics
library. So, we've already been able to get the first C programs
and games up and running!!

Over the last twenty odd years, C has been adopted as an
industry standard - there have been hundreds of thousands of
programs written in C, many of which are public domain, but more
importantly, the large majority of commercial software at the
moment is written in C. For example, over Christmas, one of the
ground-breaking games that everyone was shrieking about on the
PC was "Magic Carpet", it was 98% written in C. If you don't
believe me, pick up any computer magazine which advertises jobs
and you'll see that the bulk of work for programmers is in C.

Unlike BASIC, C is a standard, whenever a new version of C is
produced it conforms to most features that other C compilers
use. This means many things :
CM               I C you don't quite understand

If you learnt to program C on the SAM, you would also be capable
of programming on any PC or Amiga! Did you know that the entire
operating system for the Amiga was written in C?

Any program written in SAM C, can be converted across to any PC
or Amiga, and with only minor changes, will work! What we are
now working with West Coast on, is tempting professional
programmers to the SAM because we now have the power of C, with
the friendly features of SAM that we all know and love.

But most importantly, as most of you will have worked out, this
means that we can simply convert any of the countless thousands
of C programs already written for other computers, and (perhaps
with minor changes depending on which C compiler was used to
write the original) will automatically run on SAM!

This should mean we have a virtually unlimited base of software
for commericial, or otherwise, release. And it means that any
one of you that can currently program BASIC is easily capable of
CM          I think you'd just better C for yourself

producing a program fast enough and professional enough to be
commercially published! Perhaps even on more than one computer!

The key element in all this is of course the libraries. As I
said, we've already got the standard libraries up and running
and those ones run identically to the PC equivalent.

I know my knowledge of C isn't extensive, and I know I'm not the
best person to explain a new concept, but I hope you can grasp
some of the optimism and excitement that this is giving me.

We haven't been able to set a price or release date as yet, but
we are still aiming for an April launch, with a price perhaps as
low as £15! Please compare this to C compilers for other
computers which weigh in at anything from £50 - £300!

FRED - not only fun and educational, but now we're getting your
career sorted out too!

CA          COLIN'S BEEN CRACKING RUBBISH JOKES, I C
                      (or NEWS for short)

Crikey, huh?  That bit I wrote last month was nothing compared
to this.  Colin Macdonald sure knows what he's talking about.
I'm so excited now, I've accidently placed an order for 30
copies.  And we're not even allowed to order it yet.

Don't worry folks, you only have to restrain yourselves for a
few more weeks.  Then you can all order it.  Hey, I've had an
idea.  By the time you get next months FRED, you may well be
able to start ordering it.  I'll give you a date, and you can
all send your orders on that day!  All at once!!!  Colin won't
get any sleep for days!  Smart!

Let's C what Colin does about that.  (Boom boom)

And, um, that about wraps up this months news.  Thanks for
listening.


CA        'TIS THE C-SON TO BE JOLLY, TRA LA LA LA LA

Colin Macdonald doesn't know I'm saying this (honest) but it's
his 21st birthday on April 15th and he enjoys receiving lots of
cards.  So, do you (kind) readers think you could spare a quid
and send him a card?  After all, FRED wouldn't be around if it
wasn't for good old Colin Macdonald.  The least we can give this
fine, loyal (puke) SAM lover in return is a 21st birthday card.

He was absolutely disgusted when I suggested that some very kind
readers may, just may, decide to buy him a bottle of something
to give him at the show a fortnight later.  Still, I'm sure he'd
be polite and accept it.  Maybe if we got him drunk, he'd start
asking ridiculously low prices for FRED games.

Oh yes, nearly forgot.  If anyone out there is really rich,
Colin could do with a brand new car.

         Send your cards to Colin at the FRED address.

We're far too good to him, we are.
CA                       Public Domain

It's been a while since Derek Morgan popped up to tell us what
is happening in the SAM PD world, but here he is to tell us
what's new for '95.  Let's C what there is.

DM               * SAM ADVENTURE CLUB UPDATE *
                        By Dave Whitmore

SAM ADVENTURE CLUB members and FRED readers may be interested to
learn that registered owners of the Spectrum version of PAW  The
Professional Adventure Writing system - (version A17C)  can  now
upgrade their Spectrum software with an  un-official  supplement
disc that offers full SAMDOS compatibility.

The converter package, which renames PAW A17C  to  version  A17S
features  full  48k/128k  compatibility.  The  Spectrum  keyscan
has been modified  for  use  with  SAM  and  function  keys  are
patched to allow a disc directory. The 48k version can also,  in
editor or run time, load and play Etracker  music  modules  that
run in the background!
DM                           SAM PD

As with the original package, you can  produce  new  'run  time'
games that you are free to  distribute  in  any  way  you  wish.
All tape routines are patched for DOS.

Existing PAW games can be run and edited and there  are routines
on the disc to convert game databases from Plus D disc or  tape.
There  is  also  a  program  that  will  convert  an SC_Speclone
conversion back to a normal database.

There is a new EXTERN feature that allows external SAM  BASIC or
CODE routines to be executed from within a  game.  However,  the
few older games that use extern will need to be modified.

Martijn  Groen  from  Holland  has  done  a  brilliant  job   in
converting PAW  and  we  are  extremely  grateful  for  all  his
efforts.

The Professional Adventure System is (C)  Gilsoft  International
1986. It must be stressed that users need  to  supply  copyright
DM                           SAM PD

code from their own working version  of  PAW  17C.  The   author
or distributors cannot be held responsible  for  any  misuse  of
this product.

The upgrade disc is available from;

[redacted]

                    NEW PD SOFTWARE FOR 1995
                    ------------------------


KASPA PD, £1.50

A very nice collection of games  and  programs, from  the  seven
issues of the Kaspa club disk magazine. The disk  also  contains
some screens of SAMCOM 94, the Kaspa club and an insight to some
of its members
DM                           SAM PD

PAW CONVERTER by Martijn Groen. £1.50

The Professional Adventure Writing system can now  be  converted
to full SAMDOS compatibilty.

The original PAW, version  A17C, on disk or tape is needed.

DJ0HF AMATEUR RADIO SUITE, by Ian Spencer.

This is a program for  the  SAM  designed  to  work  in  various
digital communication modes such as RTTY,CW,SSTV and FAX.

The program has been updated to control an external TNC.

To use the 'Multimode' program it is necessary  to  have  a  SAM
running MASTERDOS with a minimum of 256KB, 1 disk drive and  the
SAMBUS. Sambus is necessary to provide the timing signals needed
by the decoding software. No other external hardware  is  needed
to decode the signal from your amateur radio receiver.
DM                           SAM PD

A shareware version is available from us at £1.50 or  £5.00  for
the registered version.

NATURE SCENES, by Jack bailey. £1.50
This excellent disk of nature scenes has nou  been  updated  and
the disk now contains 40 scenes, which look like they have  been
painted with water colours.

Return your original disk and a SAE for an update.

[Don't forget that Derek has a large catalogue of discs, many of
 which are great value for money.  Send an SAE to Derek for the
 full catalogue - CA]

         Address - [redacted]

CA                       DISC CONTENTS

Well, this month we have a very Gamesmastery issue.  Still, you
don't mind, do you?  Of course not.

Right, in slot D, I think you'll find Rain by Diggory Gray.
It's a 2 player shoot-em-up, but because you work together, it's
prefectly playable with only one player.  It's written on
Gamesmaster, has some lovely graphics and plays nicely.  It is a
little easy, but the best way to play is to compete for the most
points with the other player.  Great game - thanks Diggory.

A little point.  I'm not moaning at Diggory, really, but I think
I should make the point.  If you begin writing a game on Games
Master and decide it's not working, and want to start a new one,
RESET the computer.  Don't clear everything, because the code
seems to get corrupted, and everything goes wrong.  This
happened with Rain, and I spent two nights trying to debug it.
This is why level 4 has moved.  Also, try to use different
variables all the time, even if it isn't in use anymore.  GM
seems to mess up sometimes if you don't.  That's all.
CA                    STUFF ON THE DISC...

In slot E, we have a 'Thrust' clone by James Curry, written
using Gamesmaster.  Incase no-one has played Thrust, you have
control over a space-ship which you can rotate and thrust
forwards.  The aim of each level is to shoot the gun turrets.
But it's not that easy.  Obviously the guns shoot back, and
there are wind tunnels which throw you and your bullets off
course.  Collision with any block except the L one which you
start on kills you.

There are 15 levels of varying difficulty.  Unfortunately, each
time you die, the game saves a file to disc, so you're going to
have to leave FRED unprotected.  However, this does make an
otherwise difficult game slightly more manageable.  It's a very
playable game; look forward forward to more Gamesmaster games
from James in the near future.

The menu this month is from Steve Taylor and is another example
of one of his very clever routines.  Thanks for the menu, and
thanks for writing the scrolly too (I'm sick of them).
CA        Information on the Contents of FRED Issue 55

As an extra special treat to all our loyal readers, there are
two items in slot F.  Dave Handley and Matt Round have been hard
at it trying to help you pick the numbers that could make you a
millionaire.  What am I talking about?  The Lottery.  Load them
up, buy your tickets and win a fortune (there may be a small
complication with the last bit).

Duck Hunt is the Gamesmaster contribution in slot G.  Matthew
Beamen now lets you do what you always dream about when you see
some birds in the garden.  Shoot them!  Only joking, please
don't complain - I couldn't stand the ear-ache from Colin.  The
only drawback is that you need a mouse, but this is good reason
for buying one.  Shoot more than 80ish out of 100 to win.

Anonimity has been playing on his ST far too much recently, so
there's no section from him this month.  In its place, there's
something I found on a PD disc on my Arc.  It's very funny and
could be put to use.

CA                   I C SOME DISC CONTENTS

E-tunes has just made it onto this issue.  Lee Willis kindly let
me rip the tunes from a demo he did and Peter Moore spent a
weekend playing on E-tracker and came up with 2 tunes.  Cheers,
lads.

David Brant (Shandy) has programmed a nice machine code
game/demo.  It's quite simple, but well written and it's only
his second attempt.  We look forward to more from him in the
future.  Many thanks Shandy.

Episodes 5 and 6 of Rachel wing there way to you courtesy of
Andrew Hodgekinson.

At last!  Finally I've got some contributions for Bits n Bobs.
Firstly is a code searcher program by Martin 'Duhh' Fitzpatrick.
It's a really simple program, but very useful.  The main reason
I like it is that you can see where it is in the code, so you
know how long to wait rather than looking at a black screen.

CA                       DISC CONTENTS

Second up in the Bits n Bobs section is a wave program by Andrew
Chandler.  It's paticularly useful for us A-level Physics
students.  The program takes two waves (which you define) and
plots them both, along with the combination of the waves.  As
we've just done this in physics, it was quite a nice surprise.
Hopefully, lots of other people will find it useful too.

Lastly in BnB are a couple of lovely SAMPaint fonts.  They've
been sent in by Luke Falla and are big fonts, so you can write,
erm, big things with them.  Both have .F at the end.

Screens this month have been sent in by James Curry, Andrew
Chandler, W Tippens and Jack Bailey.  They're all beautiful - C
for yourself.

This months MOD is from Ian Dodd.  Thanks for the Mod, Dodd!
It's called PROP.MOD and is a nice version of Tubular Bells.

Lastly, sorry to Graham Goring for spelling his name wrong.
CA                           THANKS

EDITOR : Colin Anderton
DA BOSS: Colin Macdonald

THANKS GO TO : James Curry    Steve Taylor    Andrew Hodgekinson
               Matt Round     David Handley   Martin Fitzpatrick
               Diggory Gray   Peter Moore     Andrew Chandler
               Lee Willis     David Brant     Matthew Beaman
               Jack Bailey    A Jones         Allan Clarkson
               Martin's mum   Martin Wilson   Dean Nicholas
               Luke Falla     Ian Dodd        W Tippens

Order your titles from : [redacted]

There's just 1 month of waiting until the C compiler, folks!

Letters & Reviews

                     Letter From Matt Round

 Dear Fred,
     Please! You can't do it! How can I survive without those
precious tenners?! I'll starve! I'll be homeless! I'll be forced
to 'busk' on the streets, doing Games Master games with a
battery-powered SAM on the pavement while commuters throw their
loose change into an empty disk box...  ...

Actually it's something that had to happen eventually, and
whatever system is adopted I hope people won't stop
contributing. I told McColin it didn't bother me and he asked
whether in that case I'd refund all the tenners I've had... is
there no hope for the man?!

I've finally managed to officially start my business, although
I've yet to hand over an obscene amount of my money for a
machine that can't do its maths properly (yes, a Pentium-based
PC). Paying £1500 for a software package (and that's the cheap
option) will take a bit of getting used to. Anyway, look out
for one or two little 'warm-up' games (maybe even conversions
                     Letter From Matt Round

from SAM) released either as PD or on magazine cover
disks...

If anyone out there's considering buying a PC, please get good
advice. Virtually everyone I know who's bought one has gone for
the wrong option, and it's rather expensive. For example, the
kind of machine that's £1500 in a high street store is around
£1000 elsewhere (that's not an exaggeration). You don't even
have to go for the stress of mail order - for example, I'm
going to Evesham Micros to pick up mine (which is definitely
preferable to posting a cheque for £2500).

Cheats:  * DERF To noost your final cash total, make issue 50
PD-only and use the cheapest duplicators. The game will end
before any disk errors can appear.
         * Santa Goes Psycho 2 Press + and z during a level to
skip to towards its end. Have fun bombing Postman Pat!

                   Matt Round/'Malevolent'
CA                    Reply to Matt Round

Hello Matt.  Don't worry about McColin (ha ha).  He's from
Scotland, and we know what a repu.. [snip - CM]  Actually, Matt,
have you banked the last couple of cheques I sent yet?  My
statement says you haven't, but it could just be missing off the
top.

Blimey!  It looks as if someone else is having a teeny weeny
winge about PCs.  I'm sure it'll be alright though, even though
it's a dodgy machine.  Are you going to the Evesham Micros in
Evesham, or somewhere else?  It's just that if you haven't gone,
and you are going to Evesham, I could pop up the road and say
hello.  You know, I remember going into Evesham Micros the day
it first opened in Evesham, years before it expanded across the
country.  Yes, I must have spent a good 30 minutes looking at
all the Spectrum titles they had on their little shelves, and
finally spent a good £1.99 buying one.  Ah, how times change.

By the way, you do realise that you get more mentions in FRED
than McColin and I do put together?
                   Letter From Allan Clarkson

Dear Colin,
       Just a few lines to say how good FRED still is.  And I
wouldn't worry about the contribution payments - you have a
loyal user base who'll still send programs in.  Not as much
incentive, no, but you'll still get lots of progs.

    I must say how I enjoy the games on FRED, SGP2 [See what I
mean, Matt? - CA] is a favourite of mine [Yawny, yawn - CA] -
even my Amiga and SNES owning friends were arguing over whose go
it was next!  Robots is a bit easy though.

    I'll have to go.  Keep up the good work!

                             Byeee!

                         Allan Clarkson



CA                   Reply to Allan Clarkson

It's so nice to receive the occasional warming letter like this.
I can't put a foot wrong.  Glad you're enjoying FRED.  The
programs really do show the enthusiasm of our readers, and each
of their contributions seems to be getting better and better.

You're FRIENDS with a SNES owner???

Yes, robots was a little easy.  Even I can complete it!!!
There were plans to make it harder, but these made it
impossible.  Maybe either Graham or I (or one of FRED's
readers???) can come up with a more advanced version one day.








                   Letter From Dave Handley

Dear Colin A,

         After reading about your plans to stop paying 10 quid
contributions, I thought to myself 'Why don't they give software
away instead.  Maybe one item of software for every two programs
a reader gets on the disk.'.  Not my exact thoughts, but pretty
similar.  It doesn't cost anywhere near a tenner to send someone
a copy of the game, but I suppose it would affect your sales.
What do you and Colin M think of the idea?

 I was also interested to read that you travelled to Lancaster
university for an interview.  Does this mean that you may be
'there' later this year?  I'm interested because it looks like
I'm going to spend the next 3 years doing a BSc in Computing
Science/Software Engineering, if you were there you could buy me
lots of beer, it'd make life more bearable!  I am going to look
at the place myself next week, seeing as I live quite close.
Have you really never heard of Preston?

                    Letter From Dave Handley

 Say thanks to Colin M for the disks, he should know what I
mean.  Now that's got me thinking!  Who actually reads this
letter first?  It's probably Mr Mc isn't it, and I bet he passes
Mr An's letters on to him.  Hmm?!?  Another mystery of life,
coming somewhere between women and rave music!

Yours sincerely,

Dave Handley










CA                   Reply to Dave Handley

Colin M - Dave says thanks for the discs.

I was having a good look at Lancaster university, but I don't
think that it'll end up as my first or second choice.  It all
depends on what I think of Nottingham when I visit it in about
10 days.  Have no fear though, I will be making regular visits
up to Lancaster when I go to visit Rob.  I'll look you up and
YOU can buy ME a pint (or ten?!?).

Do you think I'm daft?  I've heard of Preston - they're a top of
the table third division team.  Mind you, they're not as good as
my team, Lincoln City.  We may be mid-table, but we'll give
Preston a thrashing next time we play them.  Third division
football is the best footy you can get.  Anyway, yes I've heard
of Preston, but I haven't a clue where it is on the map.

Almost a perfect Sherlock Holmes!  Your ideas were nearly
perfect, except that I don't just receive MY letters, I read
EVERYTHING sent to Colin.  Although I don't know that, do I?
                    Letter From Peter Moore

Dear Colin,
             Hello.  I thought I'd set a good example by sending
you a letter on disc to save your poor little fingers from
typing it in.  I hope you like the E-tunes.  I have to apologise
for 'CJ's', I sent in the unfinished version by accident.  The
shock I had when I heard it on FRED!  Still, it was probably
better than the finished version.
             I'd like to congratulate Matt Round.  He is a
superstar.  He comes second in my list of all time heros (Frank
Zappa being the no. 1 beauty at the top).  You know I imagine
Matt gets more mentions than you and Colin M do between you.
Have you noticed that?    [AAARRGH! - CA]
             You know that I absolutely hate doing E-Tunes, but
it's for the love of FRED that I do it.  (Bob Brunsden comes
third by the way).  I used to love doing Sound Machine music,
infact I never got anything else done while I owned it, but
E-Tracker is the way forward I suppose.  Would anyone like to
write a converter?
                             PETE
CA                  Reply to Peter Moore

Hello Pete.  CJ's sounded lovely as it was, I'm sure everybody
agrees, so I'll let you off the hook this time.

Love of FRED?  Are you sure?  Oh well, I guess if that makes
people write e-tunes, then I'm not going to complain.

Sound machine was a little basic when you compare it to
e-tracker, despite it's lovely editor.  Personally, I think
you'd be better off writing music from scratch on e-tracker.
However, if there is someone out there who has or is going to
write a converter, get in touch and we'll pass on the
disc/information.







                      Letter from A Jones

Dear Colin,
         I have decided to sell my SAM computer set up and while
I know you don't have a small ads section, I would appreciate
your including this letter in your mag.  I would like to take
this opportunity to say how much I have enjoyed reading FRED
over the last couple years and to wish you well in the future.
If anyone is interested they can contact me at;

                       [redacted]

FOR SALE - SAM Coupe 512K, 1 disc drive, mouse, SAM to monitor
           SCART lead
With the following software - Masterdos, SAM adventure system,
           Lemmings and Oh No! More Lemmings, Prince of Persia,
           Pipemania, Waterworks, Hexagonia, Sheriff Gunn, Days
           of Sorcery, Legend of Eshan.
                                               PRICE £200
CA                     Reply to A Jones

I'm sorry to hear that you've decided to sell your SAM.
However, if your mind is made up, I may as well advertise it.
It's better that someone who is keen on using it buys it rather
than having it stuck in a cupboard doing nothing.

Thanks for subscribing to FRED for the past few years.  Both
Colin and I are glad that you've enjoyed it and will be sorry to
see you go.

Good luck in the future.

                       COLIN







                 Letter From Martin Fitzpatrick

Dear FRED,
    Thanks to Rik Moore for replying to the request for more
programmers, artists, and stuff in FRED #50 (was it??).  But I'd
still like a few more!  My SAM's quite literally buggered.
Luckily I've been lent Mat Phyllip's one.  First it was the disc
drive and now it's the keyboard.  Sigh!  Oh well, I will be
getting it fixed no matter how much it costs.

Thanks to everybody who bought one of my games disc from the SAM
PD library at the show.  Hope you liked them.

Oh!  I've run out of things to say - Oh well, time to witter on
me thinks.

Sorry for not getting to the show, but my school has wierd
holidays and my mum wouldn't let me have the day off since I'd
just come back from Tenerife - No there isn't a postcard
(sorry!)

                 Letter From Martin Fitzpatrick

Aha a joke.  [Oh no - CA]

Q: If you have referees in football, and umpires in cricket,
   what do you have in bowls?
A: Soup!    [Oh dear - CA]

Great huh? [I can't type for laughing so much (honest) - CA]

                See you lot then.

                       Martin Fitzpatrick


CA                Reply to Martin Fitzpatrick

For a sensible letter, you really did ruin it by sticking that
awful joke in, didn't you?  Still, someone's bound to find it
funny - we have all sorts subscribe to FRED.

CA                Reply to Martin Fitzpatrick

Sorry to hear about your SAM - I had lots of trouble with mine.
Well, it was the power pack, but it still ticked me off a lot.

I haven't bought any of your PD discs unfortunately, but I do
have a copy of Fire which you sent to FRED years ago, and I'm
very impressed.  I can put out about 3 fires I think.  Might
have to go and have a little play on it actually.

Fancy not going to the show.  Listen, I bet you want to come to
the next one, so give your mum a call.  I'll sort her out.

Hello Martin's mum.  My, you look young.  Oh, and yes, your hair
looks stunning.  Take a seat.  Now, I think we should have a
chat about young Martin.  Frankly, I'm a bit worried he's not
getting out enough.  I've spoken to a trained doctor, and he
says the best cure will be to take him to the next SAM and
Speccy show this April the 29th.  Hey, I know you love your son
(snigger), and I know you'd want what is best for him.

CA               Reply to Martin (and his mum)

Actually, while we're here, maybe you'd like to write me a
letter.  I'm sure it would bring a delightful, beautiful ray of
sunshine into my letters page.  Goodbye for now.

Hi again Martin.  Did you notice the cunning way I was asking
her to contribute.  Unsuspectingly, she'll become interested in
the SAM, and end up going to the SAM and Speccy show whether you
ask her or not!  I'm not just a pretty face.

Martin, I got your other letter as well.  No, I don't want you
to get repetitive strain injury (like I probably have), and I
wasn't trying to see if you were a Simpleton (mind you...).  The
problem is that my disc drive is a later version than yours and
can't handle high density discs (ones with two holes in to those
less techincally minded SAMmers).  SAMCo were unable to continue
getting the disc drive you have and so had to change.  Hence, HD
discs don't work in my drive but do in yours.  If you HAVE to
send HD, write a note to Colin M so he can copy the files to DD
discs.  By the way, sorry to hear about the IBM (ho ho ho).
                    Letter From James Curry

Dear Asylum Escapee Weekly,

I  have recently escaped from the  maximum security asylum a- Oh
B****r it! Wrong damn letter.

Dear Colin,

So here is a letter. Yes, It's true, don't drop dead. Since I've
sent some stuff in, I figured, why not a letter as well?

So  here it is.. Urm... Well, I haven't actually got anything to
say, but I suppose  that never stopped you  writing a letter  to
Brian, so I'll have to put some nonsense.

1) Is Colin really your brother?
2) Can I have £1 million please?

Thats it!  The end of my letter.  Thankfully.
                                             JAMES 'FLA' CURRY.
CA                   Reply to James Curry

Hey.  Let's just clear one thing up before I continue.  My
letters to Brian were not complete nonsense.  Heck, no.  In fact
they were lines of intellectual queries, upper class humour and
deep and thoughtful reasoning to which interesting and thought
provoking replies were given.  I really don't know how this
could have been mistaken.  Maybe you're thinking of someone
else.

Right, now that's cleared up, here's my answers.

1) Yes, it's true.  And you'll never guess what.  It actually
turns out that due to a number of highly improbable
coincidences, Colin's also my Auntie!  Mind you, he didn't send
me a £5 Woolworths voucher for Christmas, so maybe he's not.

2) Certainly.  I'll pop it in the post on Monday.

Sorry I edited out the other question, but personal jokes are
boring to everyone else and I can't be bothered to explain.
                   Letter From Martin Wilson

Dear Sir

Thanks for sending the sample disk of Fred issue 52.  However I
had read somewhere long back that Fred contained sections of
Outlet.  However none was present in this issue.  As Outlet
isn't available in Coupe format anymore I was interested in a
sort of 300K of Outlet and 500K Fred type issue.  Perhaps you
did this in the past and it wasn't popular with Coupe users.
If so that is a shame.  I was impressed with the Fred issue
anyway, but lack of letters from fellow users is definitely a
negative part of the diskzine.

How many subscribers are there now?

Also there is one game that I would buy even if it cost £30 for
the Coupe.  I don't know how difficult a project it would be but
there are plenty of other versions that could be used for
reference.  Its the game every computer should have a version
of.   More successful than Lemmings.  The first British program
                   Letter From Martin Wilson

to go to number 1 in the states I believe.  Its Elite by Ian
Bell and David Braben.

The Coupe is easily capable of a version.  Remember the Electron
only had 32K of memory and the C64 only had a 6502 at 1mhz so a
256K computer with a 6mhz Z80 should be capable of it.  Using
mode 2 for vectors and mode 4 for instruments.

Also, I have a spare Coupe for sale.  It's a 512K tape based
model.  It includes a tape deck, manual, technical manual, lead,
software, magazines and its £55 including postage. Its all fully
working.

Lastly, I'd like to contact other Coupe owners so you can print
my full address if possible [I should think I can manage that -
CA].  Especially people who would like a version of Elite for
the Coupe or who could program it.

                      Anyway all the best
CA                   Reply to Martin Wilson

Anyone wishing to get in touch with Martin can contact him at:

                        [redacted]

Thanks for the letter, Martin.  I think you're the first person
to call me Sir!  When the Outlet takeover took place it was
planned to incorporate Outlet as much as possible.  However,
anything we put in proved to be hated by FRED readers or wasn't
contributed to.  The Outletters section springs to mind.  That
looked very promising, but no FRED readers want to know
technical stuff.  Any techincal enquiries are always welcome and
we'll do our best to find an answer.  In the meantime, if any
Outlet type things are sent in, they will simply be put into
FRED, so long as they're good enough.

CA                   Reply to Martin Wilson

FRED 52 was only my second issue as editor.  For the first
couple of months, no-one seemed to want to write to me.
Thankfully now, FRED is getting more letters than it ever has!
Last month, I couldn't include them all because I ran out of
memory on Outwrite!

The FRED readership averages about 450.  At present it's 400.

Elite actually wasn't as successful as Lemmings, but we have
thought of it.  The problem is that the 3D routines would take a
long time to create, but we are thinking about a text version of
Elite before adding graphics routines.

Thanks again for the letter.  Please do keep reading FRED.  I'm
sure there'll be a lot of things you'll enjoy and find use for
as well as having a jolly good laugh at my wonderful(ish) jokes.



                     ANOTHER SAM for sale!

SAM Coupe 512K plus ten games all boxed and other software, all
as good as new.  Also Spectrum+ 48K with over 100 games all
boxed.  Leads, powerpacks and manuals for both computers.
Joystick adaptor for Spectrum.  £110, Tel Matthew ]redacted]

CA                        MY COMMENT

I'm not really too keen on sticking ads for SAM Coupes in FRED.
I know I tried to sell my Game gear last month (WHICH I DIDN'T),
but 3 SAMs for sale in 1 month?  Come on.

Anyway, I'm going to clamp down on this.  As of next month, I
probably won't stick any more ads of this nature in FRED unless
I'm feeling VERY generous and this person has made a lot of use
of his SAM.  Sorry to be so grumpy, but I just hate people
selling SAMs.  Sorry.

I could really do with a review to cheer me up now.....
DN                   Review of SC_WORD pro

by Dean Nicholas

Available for  29.99, from Steves Software, 7 Narrow Close,
Histon, Cambridge CB4 4XX (Note-needs 24 pin/360 dpi Bubble Jet
printer and MasterDos)

Software reviewed with a Canon BJ200 printer

So, another word  processing package for  SAM, eh ? Actually, it
isn't that new, as  it was  released  around  Aprils  Gloucester
show.This version  I have is the full v1.01.But as I was saying,
do we really need another  WP on  SAM.It would have to be pretty
special to be  worth that rather hefty price.So, what has it got
going for it...

Upon   loading   up ,   you  are    presented   with   a  rather
strange-looking screen.Over  on  the  left is  a picture of  the
paper, and where the printout will go on the page.On the left is
a  box, which would  contain the first part  of your document if
you  had   written   anything.In   the  middle   are   lots   of
icons.Clicking  on  the top  one brings  you into  another menu,
where you  select  the  font,  size,justification  etc.  of  the
text.Fonts and justifications can be changed anywhere, but  each
paragraph must be in one size.The word-processor is quite  good,
not up to the standard of, say, The Secretary (which I am  using
to write this review) but is sufficient.By the way, the  package
is not WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You  Get)  but  uses  small
font/size markers in the document which tell the printer what to
do

  Now, to see what the printout was like.I loaded  in  the  test
file, selected Hi-Res dump and after about 10 minutes (extremely
slow for my 173cps printer) and much disk-swapping (one DD  disk
can only hold 2 fonts!) I was presented with a  printed  sheet.I
was amazed.The printout in my hands was amazing, it looked  just
like a laser printout from  a  PC!There  were  different  sizes,
fonts, underlined, bold, everything.The text was  proportionally
spaced out, and the letters were so exact that I could not  find
a single jagged edge.WORD pro prints  out  text  like  a  screen
dump, taking control of 14 million dots on the page.It was quite
amazing, even though it did take quite a long time to print.

  However,  sometimes you don't  need a hi-res  printout, and so
there is another printout option.ASCII dump printed out the same
page, but in about  10 seconds.This was  all in th printers  own
font, with no proportionally spaced out  letters,  and  no  size
change.However, underline and bold still worked.

  Another program is  on the disk, and  that is SC_24.This  is a
hi-res screen dumper, that allows you to print out screens in 48
pin ( with  a Bubble Jet,  24 with a  24 pin)  at any size  from
credit card size up to 1/3  A4.With  a  special  feature  called
Micro-Weave, banding is reduced but it took my BJ200 55  minutes
to print out a credit card sized picture.Without micro-weave, it
took only 2 or 3 minutes, with  not  much  quality  difference.I
know which  one  I  will  be  using!  So,  overall,  this  is  a
necessary package if you have the correct hardware.It  has  many
other features, such as Borders (curved or straight) around bits
of text, text colours (greys) and comes  with  7  fonts  and  11
sizes.Well worth it.


(mark compared with other WPs I have used)

Overall:89%

Brilliant, but a  much faster  print mode would  raise the  mark
quite a lot.

CA                          REVIEWS

Thanks for the review Dean.  Colin and I have decided to get
more reviews in FRED, so we're asking other companies to send
us software to review.  Remember those reviewers we took on
months back?  Well, they may well be called upon again.

Meanwhile, if anyone has any views on FRED / Revelation /
Phoenix or any other company's software, write down your
comments.  Even if it has been reviewed before.  Readers really
do want to know what you think of the games/utilities.

See you all next month.

Rachel (ctd.)

  FUMP!

  "Baa?" said the sheep.

                             ----

  "I'd like to introduce a friend of mine," said the Dark,
Shadowy  Figure.  "He's  just teleported over and bought us some
sheep to work with."
  "Hello," said Diggy.
  "Hello," said Rachel, amiably. She had just woken up.
  "Hello," said the sheep, and another Dark, Shadowy Figure.
  "I must be off now, got an important meeting to attend.
Y'know, places to go to, people to see, etc. Let's do lunch."
  FUMP!
  "Er - bye then," answered Diggy, who was beginning to fail to
follow what was going on. "Thanks for leaving the sheep."
  "Baaahello?" said a sheep. "That's a WoFiSOM, isn't it? Wow!"
  "Greetings," replied Harold.
  "Talks, too! Fluff and grass, I thought I'd never live to see
one. What've you got it for?"


  "I'm going to build a space ship, to look for my cows. They
all  began  to  suffer  from EATS. Goodness knows where they are
now."
  "And you want us to help? By the way, I'm Merdyl, and this is
Freeda." Merdyl pointed to a moth-eaten sheep talking to Rachel.
"Quite a little party, this!"
  "Yes, it has grown. I'm Diggy. He he he, very amusing." Diggy
wasn't  embarrassed,  his  skin  had decided to go red for a new
look.  "This  is  Harold." He held out the WoFiSOM. "No sense in
hanging around, I suppose. Harold?"
  "?"
  "Charge up, or whatever it is you do. Could you collect the
others please, Merdyl?"
  VumVumVumVumVum...
  "Sure thing."
  VumVumVumVumVumVumVum.....
  "All here. Byaaaa! Baaa?"
  "Mooo," said Rachel.
  "Er, sorry about this, the WoFiSOM is collecting work fields,


so you'll have to do without speech for a while. Sorry. Ehem."
  "Moo," said Rachel, miffed.
  VumVumVumVUMVUMVUmvumvumvumvumvumvummmmm.. TING!
  "Ah, it appears you are to Press The Green Button When Ready,"
commented the Dark Shadowy Figure.
  "Reads and talks too, eh?" answered Diggy, nastily.
  "No time like the present!"
  He reached out..
  Extended a finger..
  And pressed....

  The world fell into a blur, as a concentrated work field
descended  upon the group; each moved so fast they could not see
the other yet they all worked as a team. In fifteen minutes, the
field  stopped  since  the work was done, and all flopped to the
ground,  exhausted.  But it was worth it. For before them, shiny
and  new, standing majestically in the middle of a field next to
a surprised bull, stood Cowseeker, the universes first ship ever
to  be  built  fault-free  thanks  to a WoFiSOM. And next to it,


stood the Bovine Detect-O-Matic.
  "Let's party," said Freeda, who could speak again.

  The spacerat blinked. "Cor," it thought.

  "Hello dearies," said Ermintrude. The bull next to Cowseeker
leered.
  "'Ello Darlin'" it said, and received a knee in the second
stomach.

  The Spacerat didn't blame the signposting, it blamed the
reality collapse, and was correct.

                             ----

  The lights were flashing, the music loud and distorted, the
air  virtually unbreathable. Crowds of people jived and gyrated,
gatecrashers  crashed  their  gates  into  things,  everyone was
really  into  it.  Except for the people who'd set up the party,


who  were  feeling  a bit left out, probably because most people
don't  like  to  dance  with cows, sheep, people called Diggy or
figures that hit the dance floor and imply the Conga.
  That is until...

  "WRAAAAAGGG!"
  "IT'S MYSTER CADBREEZE PARRYT!" yelled everyone at once, even
the cows, sheep, Diggy and the Dark, Shadowy Figure.

Good ol' Gothic Records, classics, they are. Never fail to liven
up  a  party.  With  such favourites like the Sweet Shop Girls',
"Its  A  Syn,"  who could resist? Gothic records are meant to be
the  best  in  the universe, beaten only by Alien Automatic, who
had  Mycall  J.  Still,  even  they were losing their ability to
capture  the  audience;  "It  Doesn't  Matter If You're Green Or
Multitentacled"  was  said  by  Mycall J to have "Disappointing"
sales  in  the  galactic market, but he was optimistic about the
wider audience of the universe.



  Everyone was "Getting Down And Boogie"ing now, except for
Merdyl, who was doing the Tango.
  "Er, shouldn't you be boogieing?" asked Rachel.
  "Daaaaah dum, di dum, di dum dum dum, daaaaah dum, di dum, di
dum  dum  dum,  daaaaah dum, di dum, di dum dum dum, daaaaaaaaaa
dum, di di deee, diddle deee - Daaaah Dum!" replied Merdyl.
  "I see."

  Halfway through "Saltwater Pools In My Light Sensitive
Receiving  Units,"  Freeda  clattered up to Diggy, who was doing
the Spacewarp dance, irrelevantly.
  "Do the Space Warp daaaaaaaaaance!" he said.
  "'Scuse me," interrupted Freeda, "but shouldn't we get going
now? We can leave a few ants around to clear up after everyone's
gone,  as  long  as we tell the WoFiSOM to generate a Work Field
that'll last a while."
  Diggy stopped. "Oh, all right. I was just getting into this.
Let's get the others."



Ten  minutes later the group stood outside the disco hall taking
deep  breaths  of the clear, cold night air. From the party came
muffled  booms  like a small war, which was in fact ridiculously
loud  volume  music  played  through  an appallingly bad system.
Clouds  of  breath  puffed into the air. Before them, shining in
the  moonlight,  stood  the Cowseeker, waiting for action. Diggy
pressed  a  button  on the Bovine Detect-O-Matic, and a hatchway
slid  open,  humming gently. Light streamed out, dazzling... The
group  entered,  taking their stations throughout the ship as if
they  had  known it for years. Diggy was about to give the order
to  start  the  engines. What would they find, in the cold, dark
reaches  of  space?  What adventures lay ahead? Few could tell..
but they would find out in time.

  Freeda, who had a sense of occasion, began to speak.
  "Space. The Final Frontier. These are the Voyages of the
StarShip,  Cowseeker, its mission: To seek out Bovine Life-Forms
and  Bovine  Civilisations...  to  boldly go, where no sheep has
gone before!"


  It was a shame that Freeda didn't know what "tacky" meant.

  And the engines started.

                    -+* To Be Continued! *+-














+--------------------------------------------------------------+
|                                                              |
|                     Hipposoft Presents:                      |
|                                                              |
| An Epic Tale of                               For Fredatives |
| an Accident, A            "Rachel"            /Fred Magasine |
| Man And His Cows                              Hipposoft 1992 |
|                                                              |
|                  Or, "The Forgotten Enemy"                   |
|                                                              |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+

LAST  TIME...  Having  "seen  a  dark,  shadowy figure about his
sheep," as the immortal saying doesn't go, Rachel and the others
-  now joined with a crew of sheep including Merdyl and Freeda -
used  the  WoFiSOM  to create the Cowseeker and Bovine Detect-O-
Matic.  In this they could fly around the starts looking for the
lost  cows,  which  as  you know, teleported to random locations
upon  suffering  Extremely Acute Terror Syndrome. After a party,
they took their stations in the Cowseeker, and lifted off...



  They noticed stars.
  They noticed the Earth.
  And they noticed SIZE.

The  universe,  they  had  decided,  was  annoyingly  large.  If
someone,  when  they had decided to build the universe had said,
"Hey,  lets  make it nice and small, so that people can get from
one planet to the other without having to defy all known laws of
Physics  first,"  then  it would have made the Cowseeker's job a
trifle  easier.  But  no, they'd copped out, hadn't they? Freeda
started to complain, sarcastically.
  "'How big shall we make the universe, then?' said one
omnipotent being.
  "'Well I don't know, do I?' said the other one, who was
feeling  stressed  out because his bio-rhythms were out of sync.
'It needs to be big, I suppose. Here, I'll write it down.'
 "And the being wrote down the number 8, referring to some large
unit  of  measurement  that's  reserved specially for omnipotent
beings.  But  he'd  written it with the paper sideways on, being


stressed  out,  (that  was  of  course HIS excuse, everyone else
knows  its  a  simple  case  of not being able to rely on anyone
these  days)  and  the  other  omnipotent being had read it, and
thought  to  itself, 'Ah, infinity, that's a nice round number,'
and  here  we  are, having to fold bits of reality up so that we
can  drill  a  hole through it and nip onto the other side. It's
just typical, if you ask me."

Freeda  shut  up,  much to everyone's delight. Having said that,
they   all  agreed  with  her,  but  at  the  moment  they  were
concentrating  at  closing their mouths, which were spending the
dramatic  moment hung open in awe. At least they weren't in free
fall, Harold had turned on the artificial gravity; so they could
enjoy  the  sights  without  worrying about trying to fly at the
same time.

  "Wow," said Diggy, staring at the Earth.
  "Mooo," said Rachel, who had asked that her Work Field be
allowed  to  collapse  because  she  was finding it difficult to


sleep  and  be  a hyper-intelligent super-quasibeing at the same
time.
  "I prefer the bit over there, myself," said the Dark, Shadowy
Figure, looking towards deep space.
  "There's nothing there!" protested Merdyl.
  "Mooo," agreed Rachel.
  "Don't worry about him. If you were dark and light, mobile and
yet  stationary,  and  all  the  rest of it, you'd probably like
nothing  as  well.  Just  for a break from it all." Diggy looked
smug with his explanation.

The Spacerat was also looking in the same direction as the Dark,
Shadowy Figure, and was trying to work out why there appeared to
be something out there, even though there wasn't.

  "No," contradicted the Dark, Shadowy Figure, "there is
something there. Look! It's getting closer."
  They looked.
  They stared.


  They held their breath.
  They waited.
  They breathed again (though there came a few thuds of falling
sheep that forgot this bit.)
  "Er," said Diggy, "is it me, or is there still nothing there?"
  "Mooo," agreed Rachel.

Hmmm,  thought  the  Spacerat.  How  strange. It appears to be a
group   of  cows,  existing  in  the  third,  fourth  and  fifth
dimensions.

The  Dark, Shadowy Figure paused, thinking. He could see in more
than  three  dimensions,  sometimes. That was what was happening
now.  He  walked over to a computer, and started asking it if it
could  display  the area in question, whilst shifting everything
down  two  dimensions. It answered yes it could, but what was it
worth.  He  answered,  continued  operation  with  all  of  your
circuits  intact.  It asked, did he want to make something of it
then, he replied, yes, a spam can. It replied, oh, and did it.


  "Look!" he said, thinking, That'll show 'em.

On  screen were eight cows. One was trying to eat grass, and was
getting  mouthfulls  of reality instead. (The fifth dimension is
that  in  which  the  real  plane exists.) Two others were lying
down, asleep. The rest were standing around, looking bored. They
all appeared to be enclosed in a large bubble.

  "Wow," said Freeda. "Weird."
  "You couldn't see them because they exist in the third to
fifth dimensions," explained the Dark, Shadowy Figure.
  "How do we get them back to normal?" asked Rachel, who'd
turned Harold onto herself again, now that something interesting
was happening.
  "We could ask Harold. It appears to be able to speak. Maybe
it'll know," suggested Merdyl.
  "Harold?" said Diggy.
  "?"
  "How do we rescue those eight cows?"


  "Pop the bubble they're in."
  "That sounds an especially stupid thing to do, to me."
  Meepmeepmeep! - Harold turned himself off, then back on again.
  "Oi! That gave me a funny turn!" said Freeda, "me legs went
from under me!"

The  way  in  which  Freeda seemed incapable of standing up when
Harold  switched  off  was in fact, very important, but this was
overlooked.

  "Just making a point. You can't do without me. I don't like
being  insulted.  Now,  I've  told  you. Pop the bubble with the
Cowseeker. But don't forget to press the red button over there,"
a  hatch  flipped  open  and  Harold  extended  a metal pointer,
indicating a small red button near the port window, "just before
you touch the bubble."
  "Self opinionated little..." started Merdyl, and stopped
again, because Harold was meeping warningly.
  "If you insist, then," said Diggy. "Everyone! Assume your


positions!"
  They assumed.
  "Start engines and head for the bubble!"
  They headed.
  "Freeda! Man.. I mean, Sheep that button!"
  Freeda sheeped.
  "On my mark..."
  They waited..
  "5... 4... " Diggy's hands unconsciously began to lose their
grip on Harold... "3..." The little grey cube slipped out of his
grip, and fell to the floor, hitting it with a loud thud.
  "Ow!" said Harold. "Look out, I'm turning off! Can't..."
  "2..."
  Meepmeepmeep!
  "1..."
  "Ooooh! Me legs have gone again! 'Elp!"
  "Now! Freeda, press it now!"

  But Freeda couldn't...


  And the Cowseeker struck, and dimensions parted, and...



                    -+* To Be Continued! *+-